CHAPTER 15:
Moving Forward
*Three Weeks Later*
I had been avoiding Xavior like the plague for the past three weeks. Work was awkward because Janey was still trying to talk to me. I, of course, ignored her as much as I could unless it involved work. But the tension was high all around and I couldn't turn it down. The past few weeks have been a mess everywhere. So, imagine my relief when Landon walked in with a bouquet of flowers.
"Who are the lovely flowers for?" I asked as he came to the front. I saw his face turn into a deep blush as he looked at his toes.
"Did Janey not tell you?" He asked quietly.
'No, we aren't on talking terms.' I said to myself. With the bouquet of flowers in his hand I think it was safe to assume they had a thing for each other. Part of me was jealous that Janey's love life was now soaring while mine was beginning to die...with everyone. But the other half of me was excited that Landon was starting to try to settle down and that Janey is with a good guy. I wasn't happy with her, but I was happy for her.
"Well, I think I can guess it. I'll get Janey." I went to the back to find Janey. She was calmly mixing in some sugar to the cupcake mix. Red velvet, yum. She looked up and gave me a sad look.
"Some special prince is here to swoop his princess of her feet." I said with a smile. Her eyes brightened, and a smile covered her face. She looked at me unsure.
"Do I look okay?" She asked, and I smiled at her. I held up my finger and put some neon green icing on my finger. I then brushed it gently on the top of her lip.
"Maybe then he'll give you a kiss or do something cute."
"Kind of reminds me of you and Xavior." I instantly began to frown but tried to cover it with a smile. Janey has known me since high school, I knew she would see right through it.
"Lil, is everything okay?" I avoided the question.
"Go greet your prince. He is probably wondering where you are." I said with a sad smile. She was about to speak but she got the point and walked to greet Landon.
She always wanted to be a princess. Even in high school she wanted that but knew it was too far-fetched. I just hope Landon treats her like the princess she is.
I made it home with a sigh. Xavior had been calling and texting all day. I just told him I was busy with work. And now that I was off work, he was calling me again. I tried to ignore it but after the sixth call I had to pick up.
"Hey."
"Why haven't you answered?" Xavior asked angrily.
"I was in the shower." I lied easily. These past few weeks it has become easier and easier to lie to Xavior.
"Lil, why have you been avoiding me?" I knew this moment would come. I felt myself choking on my tears. Xavior knew what was about to happen but he didn't want to believe it.
"Xavior, I can't do this anymore." I said and then hung up. He called and called and called but I never picked up. I was too busy crying on my bed wishing that things could be different. I had the most handsome and rich man in all of New York, but I didn't want him. I knew if I didn't break him, he'd break me. I felt like I was falling into a never-ending hole. I had only been with him for a little over a month and I couldn't handle it. I would never be able to handle it! I was not okay. I would never be okay. My family made sure of that. I would never be able to handle someone like Xavior. He is caring and smart and that's the problem! I can't handle it!
There was a pound on the door and I knew who it was. I have avoided this for too long. It was time to end it for real. I opened up the door to be faced with a pleading-faced Xavior. I instantly regretted opening the door.
"Tell me you aren't saying what I think you're saying. Please tell me this is just a joke." He begged but all I did was gave him a blank look that answered his questions.
He barged into my apartment with fury.
"You can't do this Lil." He said with iron fists at his side.
"I have to." I responded in a dead-like tone.
"You don't Have to anything Lil. Everything you do is a choice."
"Fine, then I'm choosing to." I countered.
"Why, what did I do to make you want to break up with me."
"It's not you it's-"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence."
"Xavior, we weren't meant to work out!"
"How could you think that! For all we know if you stay with me, we could get married!"
"Married! Xavior we've been dating for like, two months! It's not even logical!" By now we were both screaming our heads off at each other.
"You don't know what could happen!"
"I do! It's what always happens!"
"Maybe because that's all you've ever known!" He yelled at me with a red face and bulging veins.
"It is all I've ever known!" I cried, and his features softened.
"Let's say we get married, Xavior. We'll end up just like my parents. You'll realize you want and ugly wife like me and I'll drink away our problems. And then our kids will end up just as fucked up as we are. That's how the story will end for us Xavior. I will never be marriage material. I will never be whole enough to be a wife or a mother. It isn't you, it really is me. I will never be good enough for anyone. You were just wasting your time just like I was. We will never happen so get out." My face was cold, but tears silently fell down my face to my chest. I didn't bother wiping them away. Xavior looked at me, tears on the brim of his eyes.
"You are nothing like your mother and I will never be anything like your father. You don't have to push me away Lil. You don't have to close yourself off because of them."
"Yes, I do Xavior! Because I promised myself, I would never fall in love! I promised myself I would never let myself get hurt! I never want anything to do with you again! Because I know I'm going to get hurt!" Anger flooded Xavior's face and I became fearful of him.
"You think I would do that!? Do you think I would hurt you? Do you think I would look you in the eyes and tell you I love you and walk away? Do you think I would ever hit you?! Do you!"
"I think you'll hurt me not knowing that you did it. I think that one day you'll decided to give up like I have now, but it will be seven years later after sex, after children, and after marriage. You will give up and leave me because you know there is someone that can love you better than I will ever be able to."
"You can't let what they did to you change who you are, Lil! Or your decisions."
"This is who I am Xavior. I will always be this person." I said dully.
"You weren't like this when I met you. You had fire and passion like you had something to prove. I thought you wanted me."
"I wanted you until I realized I can't have you. I can't handle you Xavior. I can't handle anyone, not even Janey. Even she called me fat and undesirable. And I realize that I am. You can have any girl you want. You-"
"I don't want any of those girls! I freaking WANT YOU DAMN IT!" He yelled at me.
"I don't want you. Get out." I said and this time I meant it. Xavior looked at me and stone filled his eyes.
"You were right. I don't want you. Who would ever want a fatty like you?" He said and walked out the door. His words stung but I held my own.
"That's Miss. Fattyto you."
YOU ARE READING
That's Miss Fatty To You (Book 1 in the Undesirable Trilogy)
Romance"Lil, what have you done to me?" He whispered to me in a husky voice next to my ear. His breath tickled my skin and made goose bumbs rise all over me. "I-I didn't do anything." I said, the heat of his near my body was getting to my head. "Yes, you h...
