Isn't She Lovely (h.s)

Chapter 39

Harry

I ran out of the building absolutely furious. I didn't know what to do anymore, I didn't know what to think. How could someone I know so well betray me like this? Eleanor had been there for me for so long, I mean, I introduced her and Louis after all! She had always been such a good mate, she was there for me through all of the break ups, and even though we hadn't been the closest over the last few years since I set her up with Louis, I still felt like I could trust her. Well obviously that was a joke, I couldn't trust her, and I'd never be able to trust her again.

I felt the tears stinging my cheeks as I quickly jumped into the driver's side of my car and locked the doors before banging my head against the steering wheel, emitting a number of loud blares from the horn. How could I have been so ruddy stupid? I should have been more careful, I should have been preparing for this day! But how could I? How could I have known something like this was going to happen so soon, especially because of someone I called a friend?

I know I should be mad. I should be furious at Eleanor. But the truth? I wasn't. More than anything I was shocked and scared of what was to come. But deep down... Well, deep down I was a little relieved. I hated hiding my daughter from the world, I hated having to lie to everyone. I was just so confused. Part of me was grateful that it was finally out, that there was no more hiding. But the larger part of me... The larger part was scared. How was Sam going to react? It felt as if my stomach had been filled with rocks. Sam was so unpredictable, especially when it came to protecting Catherine. I know there was nothing she wouldn't do for our daughter, something that I both loved and feared in this moment.

I had been so naive this last year, living in this complete and utter fantasy world. Of course the world was going to find out about Catherine at some point, but I was hoping that point didn't come until a while into the future. How idiotic of me.

Right then and there, completely alone in the car, I let everything go. I let all of the emotions I'd been holding in these last year out. The stress of work, the stress of suddenly becoming a dad, the stress of the tabloids... everything. I let all of my emotions go, completely breaking down. It was like I wasn't in control of my own life anymore.

I felt guilty, and cheated, and broken beyond repair. What was Samantha going to think? She probably already knows. I can't believe she doesn't, that magazine was sold out in stores around the UK in less than three hours this morning. It was all over the place, I'd be shocked if she hadn't heard about it by now. Suddenly it didn't matter what the fans said. It didn't matter to me what the media said or the rest of the world, my biggest worry was what Sam was going to do now that they all knew the truth. I knew she was dreading this day probably even more than I was, the day that our little girl became known to the world, the day the hate and criticism would start. I know it will sooner rather than later, and it kills me to think that my little girl is going to be judged just because of who her father is. I wish I could change that, but I can't. It's too late for that.

"Why God? Please, just... Give me a reason!" I sobbed into my hands. Why did my life need to become so complicated? I hated Eleanor, yet I didn't. I understand that she was upset, she had just lost her baby and the whole world wouldn't shut up about it. But I didn't understand why she took her pain out on us. I just... I didn't understand.

I cried until my vision was blurry and my voice was hoarse. I cried for myself, I cried for Catherine, I cried for Sam, and I cried for the life we couldn't have. I knew nothing would be the same anymore. Not for Sam and I, not for Catherine, and not for the band. Things were definitely going to change, and not for the better. I wasn't mad at Louis for any of this, I just felt bad for him, he was caught in the middle of all of this. He lost a child too and he hasn't been the same since. He's no longer that loud, sporadic lad that used to joke about the craziest things. He's changed. He constantly looks tired, and he's oh so quiet. I can tell the miscarriage took a toll on him, he's become depressed, but he's too busy taking care of El to let anyone take care of him. I wish there was something I could do or say, but there just... wasn't. Nothing I could do or say would bring back his baby.