Isn't She Lovely (h.s)

Chapter 19

Harry

ONE MONTH LATER

The next month went by in a blissful whirlwind. The days were often filled with laughter, smiles, passionate nights, and cuddles with my daughter. I have never felt so complete in my entire life. And I was finally beginning to feel like I could do this; I could actually be a father. During the days I would often take Catherine to the park or for a picnic, careful not to be seen leaving the flat with her. I felt guilty that I could not do normal parent things with her like take her out for ice cream or shopping, but I just could not risk the media getting a hold of this so soon. I know Sam still feared the possibility of the press finding out about them, so she did everything in her power not to let that happen. Unfortunately that meant we couldn't go out in public all three of us together. I couldn't take Sam out to dinner or take my girls to the zoo, but it was a small price to pay to be able to hold them close every night.

Catherine was a dream come true, she was absolutely perfect in every way possible. I was the happiest I had ever been recently, and I felt like I had been living a different life the last few weeks. I feared that one day I would wake up and this would all disappear, as if it were only a dream turned nightmare.

Tonight would be my last night home for a while before I had to go to Glasgow with the lads for a few local interviews, and I wanted to make sure it was a perfect night.

I turned around and was immediately looking upon a sleeping Sam. She was so peaceful when she slept. I can't imagine not waking up to see her smiling face every morning, and I just know sleeping alone is going to be difficult after sharing a bed with her for so long. The golden streams of light came beaming through the glass window pane, illuminating the shiny scars that plastered my pale skin. My mind quickly flashed to the night a week ago when I had finally worked up the courage to confide in Sam the secret of my addiction.

"It's like you with your smoking," I played with the rings covering my fingers, refusing to meet her eyes as she stared at my naked arms, "I just... I can't stop. It just, well, it numbed my pain. Every article that they wrote about me, every bad rumour that was spread... It was just a way to cope with it. I didn't mean for it to get this bad... It just did, and, and I tried to get tattoos to cover them up, but I haven't managed to cover them all yet..." I rambled on as I furrowed my eyebrows and began twisting my rings more frantically, afraid to look up and see the disgust and horror I knew would fill her face. How could it not? I was disgusting, I knew that. When I finally chanced a glance at Sam, I saw that the horror and fear I expected to find was nowhere to be found, in fact, she looked almost... guilty?

"Oh H, fuck I'm sorry.. I'm so, so sorry." She was crying harder than I had ever seen her cry before. "My fault, all my fault" She whispered emotionlessly as she ran her fingers along my tattoos, finally realizing just how many scars covered my skin. I was confused.

"Love, what are you talking about?" I asked carefully, my thumb swiping away her tears.

"I-I left you, my fault... I should have never lied to you, I should have been there..." She sobbed into my arms. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer in to my chest, fighting back tears myself.

"Shh, love, shh. It's not your fault, never your fault." I rocked her back and forth as she curled up in my lap, continuously whispering 'my fault' against my shoulder.

"We're together now, that's all that matters."

I shook the haunting memory from my mind and turned to stare at the beautiful mother of my child. The rising sun cast a perfect glow against Sam's bare shoulders and back, and her mouth formed a perfect little 'o'. She looked so pure. Seeing her like this, you'd never guess she was a mum. She just looked so... young, almost childlike herself. I smiled to myself and brushed a stray curl behind her ear. She shifted and slowly she opened her eyes.