killer, m.clifford/a,irwin

30

"Friends. We are gathered here today, as you are all aware, to pay our last tributes and respects to the memory of our departed friend, Ashton Irwin."

I jolted up in a breathless mess of sweat and heavy panting. Those words terrorized my mind and plagued my dreams every night. I inhaled and exhaled quietly, trying to regain control of my heart beat when I heard someone knock on the door.

My alarm clock read 7:30am so I figured it was Mum coming to wake me up for school. I made a strangled noise, trying to talk but being unable to at this current moment in time.

As soon as my mum stepped inside I saw her eyes widen in the realisation that I had just woken up from my reoccurring nightmare. She let out a quiet sigh and merely walked over to the edge of my bed.

"Honey," Mum frowned, looking hesitant about what she was going to say next, "Ashton's funeral was a month ago and you're still having these nightmares? Are you sure you don't want to talk to someone about it?"

I swallowed loudly. "His second funeral." I whispered under my breath.

Time didn't heal all wounds, certainly not the raw pain I felt when I had to bury Ashton again. My eyes began to prickle as the familiar empty feeling washed over me.

Mum shuffled up until she was leaning against the headboard. She wrapped her arm around me and pulled me closer. I sighed, almost in defeat, and just rested my head against her shoulder.

"I can't imagine the pain you're going through," she said softly. "No one should have to feel the heartbreak of loosing the love of their life twice."

I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting to imagine Ashton in his final moments. My teeth gritted together as the memories flooded back without warning.

"At...lantis," Ashton's fingers gripped mine as Sydney continued to taunt us. I blocked her out and focused on the boy in my arms. "I love you, okay?"

"Don't say that now," I whispered, letting my forehead press against his, "you can tell me that when you're better. Months from now when you're alive—that's when you can tell me you love me."

"I'm... fi – fine." He promised but his cold, pale skin was telling me otherwise. "The... police are one their way." His voice lowered so Sydney couldn't hear him. "Stay alive until then, please, promise me that."

"I promise."

I kept that promise, but Ashton couldn't.

When the police burst through the warehouse doors that night all they were left with was a hysterical version of myself as I cried over the body of Ashton. He had bleed out seconds before their arrival.

"Is Michael coming over this morning?" Mum asked, stroking my hair in attempts to calm me down.

The night after Ashton died I had promised Luke I wouldn't revert to an empty shell of myself again. I promised him I'd continue to move forward with my life, to live it how Ashton would've wanted me to.