Hearts On Fire {Alex Gaskarth}

Chapter 17

Alex

I'm such a terrible person, but I can't live with the guilt anymore. For one, it's worked me into a panic attack, and two, Lisa just wasn't Grace. Grace was who I wanted, who I needed. I'm evil for doing this considering its the night of homecoming, but I was going over to Lisa's, and telling her I can't go with her anymore.

I've said that a lot over the past week, but the kiss yesterday, it didn't feel right. Grace's kisses felt right. Seeing her in her window and close the curtains on me felt wrong. I didn't want her hurt.

Now don't get on my back about it; but Alex you literally didn't give a fucking fuck three days ago. Yeah, well, I give a fucking fuck now. I just missed Grace. I don't know, how many times I can repeat myself and have it actually mean something.

"Alex, honey, are okay?" I heard a knock on my door as I was pulling up skinny jeans, getting ready to leave.

"Yeah, why?" Honestly, I was nervous as fuck, but I didn't want to tell her that.

"Cause. There were bangs coming from your room." She said softly, I turned and saw a broken lamp on the floor and my skinny jeans around my thighs.

"Yeah, I kinda broke a lamp trying to get dressed." I said sheepishly and scratched the back of my head nervously. She sighed and picked up the laundry basket she was carrying and walked away.

"CLEAN IT UP ALEXANDER!" I heard her yell from down the hall. I cringed and finally pulled my skinny jeans up all the way.

"Sorry ma, I have to go, I'll clean it later I promise." I said running down the stairs.

"ALEX!" She yelled as I slammed the door shut behind me, muffling her yells as I walked down the street swiftly to get far away from my house. My heart hurt as I passed by Grace's house and saw Jack getting out of his car.

"Jack?" I whispered. He didn't hear me of course. Why would he be at Grace's house. Did Grace move on to be with my best friend? He held a pizza box in his hands as he stood on her doorstep and rang her doorbell. I started to feel creepy for just watching so I continued my walking towards Lisa's house.

The cool November air nipped at my cheeks every so often and this wind was messing. Up. My. Hair.

I ended up pulling up my hood and walked down a street that was really familiar to me in sophomore year. The houses in the development all looked alike, but I knew exactly which house was Lisa's.

I stood on the doorstep and wiped my strangely sweaty hands on my jeans and puffed my cheeks as I hunched over quickly and stood back up straight and pushed the black button next to her door.

I heard the doorbell ring from the other side of the door. No one answered for a good three minutes so I pressed the button again and pulled my hand away quickly, and started pinching the fabric of my jeans.

"Sorry, I was in the-oh hey Alex! What are you doing here?" Lisa asked pulling me inside and shutting the door.

"Lisa listen-"

"You know it's bad luck to see your date before homecoming." What? Wasn't that for weddings? I shook my head quickly and opened my mouth to speak again.

"Lisa I've been thinking-"

"What is it Alex?" She interrupted again. If she would just let me finish a fucking sentence. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed as Lisa stuck out her hip and started braiding her hair to the side.

"I can't go to homecoming with you." I said quickly, immediately feeling guilty and wringing my hands together. She was excited about this and I literally crushed her by saying this. In fact, I didn't even want to go anymore. Sitting at home watching tv seemed like a good plan.