I'll Try My Best (Phan) [Completed]

Part 4: A Small Shiny Piece Of Metal

(Phil POV)

I was a little worried as to what Dan wanted to tell me. The room was silent. Dan wouldn't look me in the eye no matter what I did. He kept looking down at his fingers. I noticed he was biting his nails and it was bothering me.

"Ok well I was wondering if you know why people pick on me." He broke the awkward silence. I wasn't expecting to really say it to him but I didn't want to make him have to tell me. "Um, yeah because you're, um, gay." I told him. I felt really awkward whilst saying that to him. I looked at Dan and he looked kind of scared. I was curious as to what he was so scared of.

"So do you hate me? Are you disgusted with me like everyone else? Are you going to hurt me?" He started to freak out a little. "No! Of course not Dan. I wouldn't hurt you because of your sexuality. And I'm not disgusted with you and I don't hate you." I reassured him. "Ok. Are you gay?" He asked me. I was caught a little off guard by this question but I had to be honest with him. "Um, well Dan, actually I'm not." I could tell he was a little disappointed. We sat in silence. "I should get going." I announced getting up and heading to the door. "Bye Phil." "Bye." I headed down his stairs and started walking home.

(Dan POV)

I had to admit that I was a little disappointed when Phil told me he wasn't gay. But at least I know now that I can trust him not to hurt me. I then started thinking about school and remembered I had a math assignment that I still had to do. I got up to get my bag and noticed Phil and I's project. I gently picked it up and put it on the top shelf in my closet.

I got done with my homework and was laying in bed watching a movie. I got tired and shut off the telly and got ready for bed. I wasn't able to fall asleep. I got startled when Shadow jumped up on my bed. I started petting him and he purred as he curled up into a ball next to me. "Night Shadow." I whispered softly to him as darkness slowly surrounded me.

.........................................................

I parked in the car park and got out of my car. I walked to the school trying to avoid trouble. I then noticed Phil standing over in a corner with his friends Zack and Kelly. Phil saw me and waved franticly. I ignored him and kept walking.

"Why are you ignoring your boyfriend Dan?" I heard a familiar voice sound from behind me. I slowly turned around and saw the last face that I wanted see. I saw Justin standing there with his brown haired buddy Kyle right by him. "He's not boyfriend." I spoke up. I looked up and just as I did I got punched in the face. I fell to the ground because of the force. I landed on the hard cement. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach area and noticed that he kicked me. He did it again. And again. And again.

I couldn't stand. I tried getting up but it hurt to walk. I saw the guys walk away whilst hysterically laughing. I slowly got up and started heading towards class. Luckily I wasn't late for math and I took my seat. I got a few looks and laughs from people when they saw me but I didn't care. I just want out of this hell.

I walked alone to math class. I got quite a few laughs and comments as I walked by. The teachers barley looked at me. They never asked if I was alright or anything. It's probably because I look like this almost everyday. I had a bloody nose, a slightly black eye and bruised sides. They couldn't see my sides but I could.

Math class went by fast. I turned in my paper and left the room. I walked down the hallway and to my locker. I started walking to lunch. I sat at my normal table in the back corner. I pulled out my iPod and started looking through it. "Hey, this seat taken?" I looked up and saw Phil. What the hell does he want?

"No." I mumbled quietly. He sat down next to me and looked at what I was doing on my iPod. "Why are you sitting here?" I asked him. He just continued eating the sandwich that he brought. "I just thought that you might've wanted some company."

"Well I don't." I replied coldly. He just shrugged and continued nibbling on his sandwich. I got up to go and Phil grabbed my wrist. "No don't go. Look, I know I keep bothering you but I just want to be your friend. I don't you to be unhappy. You're always by yourself and you never talk to anyone. Why are you like this?" He pulled me back down to sit by him. When he was pulling on my arm my hoodie sleeve got pushed up a little bit and I didn't notice.

"Oh Dan." He began. I was wondering why he was talking all soft and looked shocked. He was looking at my arm. I looked down and saw that my sleeve was pushed up just enough so that he could see only a few cuts along my wrist. I quickly pulled my sleeve back down. "I-I have to go." I said as I took off. "Dan! Wait!" I heard but I kept going. I didn't want to be at school anymore. This is why I don't like friends. Because they ask me too many damn questions. So I just left school and drove home.

I parked in the driveway and went to go unlock the door. I knew parents wouldn't be home and even if they were they wouldn't care or even notice that I was home. They only care about themselves.

I stepped inside and kicked my shoes off. I closed the door behind me. I slowly went up to my room. I shut my bedroom door behind me and laid down on my bed. I looked around at my empty boring room. I had a dresser, a bed, cat things, and a little night stand. Oh and a TV that was on a very small table. That was it. I had a huge room with barely anything in it. I saw my calendar on the wall. I remembered the day when I decided to circle my favourite day. I choose to circle January 1st. People always say it's the start of a new beginning. But I think of it as the end of an old life.

I continued looking around and noticed something. A small shiny piece of metal. It was shining so pretty that I couldn't resist. I got up and went over to where I saw the metal. I held it in my hand. I lifted up my right sleeve and saw that it was full of cuts and there was no free skin. So I went and sat on my bed. I wasn't able to cut my left arm very good because I was left handed so I decided I could cut my leg instead. I pulled down my jeans to my knees.

I put the cold razor blade to my skin. I had quite a few scars and marks from previous cuts on my thighs. I slowly made a small cut on my leg. I watched the blood form small beads and slowly bleed. I made another cut, but this one being a little deeper. Before I knew it both my thighs were covered in cuts. But not completely so I had room for more another day.

I cleaned up my legs and then got some comfy pyjamas on. I was pretty tired. I couldn't stop thinking about Phil's face when he saw my arm and realised that I was a cutter. I just know tomorrow at school he won't leave me alone and will be questioning me as to why I do it. I just still don't understand why he cares about me so much.

•Hello! Ok so I posted three chapters up a few days ago and basically as soon as I posted them reads were slowly starting to add up! I'm just so happy that people are actually reading this. I haven't been able to update lately because I don't have wifi but today I do! Thank you so much for reading this. Please vote and/or comment if you like my story so far.•
~Meowgravy