Moving On - Luke Hemings

I felt numb.

"I guess you never really knew me, Luke, I guess you never really knew me," I mutter as I make my way to the elevator.

"Ali, you have to stop being so dramatic," Luke says, chasing after me.

"You know that it was not okay for you to cheat on me, right? I have a right to not like you?" I ask him.

"Yes, and I understand you're upset. I just want to tell you what really happened. It might not make you forgive me, but it will probably make you feel a little bit better," He tells me. 

"Do you wanna know the truth, Luke? I am terrified of finding out your whole explanation for this. Because this whole year, I've convinced myself that you cheated on me because you had a good reason. And I'm terrified that if you tell me what happened, it's not gonna be as good as what I have been telling myself. And I'll feel absolutely terrible. After the year I've had, I don't know if I want to deal with that,"

"You will not feel terrible. I admit, I made some mistakes and should not have cheated on you. But, I really do think you deserve to know what was going on while we were dating,"

"I'm not sure if I do, Luke, I'm really not," I tell him, getting off the elevator.

He heads towards his room, unlocks the door and lets me inside.

"Please, just trust me, on this one thing. You will feel so much better, okay?"

For some odd reason I actually listen to him. I fall into the trap of trusting him. It's like a familiar place, that is a lot less scary than not trusting him. So I say, "Okay, fine, tell me,"

"Thank you for letting me tell you, Ali, seriously, thank you. So it all started before we were even dating. I was dating this girl, Lily, who was awesome. I truly loved her, and we always had a great time. We were still dating when I met you, but as soon as I met you, I knew you were the one. I broke up with Lily the day that me and you met, because I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with you. I told her that I found someone else, and at the time, she seemed to understand. But that night, I got a call from Lily's mom, saying that they found Lily in her bathroom. She had overdosed on her pills. On purpose, they thought. She was in the hospital and would be okay, but they wanted me to come visit. So, I did, I went to go see her and the doctor told me before I even went into her room that all she has been saying since she woke up was, 'I wasn't good enough for him'. He assumed I knew what this meant and advised me to get back together with her until she became mentally stable. So, I listened and we got back together and I went to her house everyday and just talked to her. She always told me it was her favorite part of the day and always made her feel so much better. But, that day with you at the beach, when I asked you out, I didn't even mean to. The words just came out, without me thinking. And you got so excited, I couldn't take it back. And then that kiss, it felt like heaven. I felt like I was in love for the first time ever, something that was different than my relationship with Lily. I went to Lily that night, intending to break up with her, but just my luck, she was doing terrible. She wouldn't get out of bed or stop crying and all she talked about was how she wanted to take her own life. I couldn't break up with her. If I did, I was sure she would commit suicide. She was my best friend, I didn't want that to happen to her. So I said nothing. I told myself it was only till she got better, and besides, you two didn't know each other anyways. You would never find out. But the thing was, she didn't get better. I had to pry her from her bed everyday. And do you know what finally got her to smile, even the slightest? I told her about us, our relationship. She was on so many meds that she didn't even realize I was cheating on her. She thought it was okay that I had two girlfriends. I would come to her house every night and she would say, 'Tell me about you and Ali!' 'I wanna hear what happened today!' She got so excited just to hear that our relationship was going well. We were literally her otp. And we continued to 'date' if you could even call it that. We never kissed, or anything more. I would just hug her constantly, 'cause she loved hugs. She told me they made her feel better. She started to get better after about 2 years. The 2 years me and you were dating. She would go out and do things, like grocery shopping, or to the mall. That's of course how you found out. She's a little crazy, you know. She was so excited that she finally got to meet the other half of her otp she forgot it was weird that I was dating two people. And then she told you that we were dating and it all went downhill. And then you broke up with me. And since Lily was doing so much better, she decided it was best if we had broke up, too. I let her go, because I knew that was MAJOR improvement for Lily, but I was so disappointed. I thought that when you left me, I would still have Lily. But in the end, I lost my two favorite girls and was left with no one." Luke said to me. 

"I had no idea..." I said, trailing off, "Look, I need some time to process this, okay? It's a lot to take in. I'm just gonna go home and call you tomorrow, okay?" I said to him, picking up my stuff and heading out the door.

"Yeah, okay, I'm really sorry, still," He says to me desperately.

The next day, though, I didn't call. Or text. Or email. I didn't call, text or email, the day after either.

I didn't contact Luke for 6 months. He'd called, texted, emailed, wrote letters, everything. I didn't want to talk. I felt numb.

..........................

Hi! not sure about the ending but I'm gonna go with it, weeeeeee! I hope you guys liked it and I think this chapter is fairly long so that is good. i wrote this in two different chunks today so i really hope that my writing isn't scrambled around or anything like that. anyways, i hope you enjoy it, and i'd love it if you commented what you thought of it!

-everyoneloves5sos