AN ODE TO YESTERYEAR
"Where did you guys decide to go for the honeymoon, again?" Meg asks Lauren.
"Greece!" Lauren shouts.
"Ah, please live out my Mamma Mia fantasy for me," Trix jokes.
"The sleeping with multiple guys part?" I ask, laughing.
"No, just spontaneously breaking out into song," Trix answers.
"I'd sign up for both," Meg laughs.
"Ha!" I nudge her in her ribs.
"So once this weekend is over, we have what? A three-week reprieve before planning the next wedding?" Trix asks.
"Looking at you, girl," Meg eyes Whit, who is leaning back in the sand.
"That's right! New bride babe," Lauren says. "I'm so ready to pass the torch."
"Yes, yes, but not there yet!" Whit rolls her eyes.
All the girls are crashed on an old Afghan blanket. The boys are on the other side of the fire talking about God only knows what. Every now and then I can hear their voices carried on the wind. I crane my neck to admire the Brooks house in all its glory. It sits nestled in its spot on the coastline, beside the shaded woods and billowing dune grass. It glows warm and yellow and you can just feel the memories.
I used to imagine living in this house forever. Growing old in it, with him. I suppose it will always feel like home to part of me.
"You know, I'm real glad I stole all of you guys from Brody. Well, I mean, technically he stole you from Brooks." Lauren sighs.
"Same," we all agree.
"Though, I think we all prefer you to him," Meg says.
"I sure do," I laugh.
I think about Brooks, about him telling me he's got things to say, about him insisting he wants -needs -to say them. I wasn't lying to him. I do believe it will pass. In the same spectacularly fucked up fashion that it always passes.
"Speaking of..." Lauren says, eyeing me. "Saw you guys chatting."
"No clue what you mean," I fib.
Trix and Meg roll their eyes knowingly.
The soon-to-be newly weds excuse themselves after the first re-load of firewood. Brody makes a crack about getting in all the last-minute premarital sex. I watch them go back into the house, realizing how much they could be me and Brooks from the back. Thin blondish chick, tall washed-up athletic boy. Goals for the ages.
The no-names leave too, one by one, until the crowd has completed thinned. It's dwindled down to the OGs. To our little golden group. Only thing we're missing is Alex's guitar. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was that first summer three years ago.
We start singing *screaming* old songs at the top of our lungs and citing parties and reminiscing about events. The references to the good old days -I just can't. Because I'm still not even sure they were good old days.
Not to sound too NBC, but this is us.
A sweet melancholia settles in my bones. It's the sublime feeling of a chapter ending, but without the certainly of a new one to follow. This whole night -this specific moment -feels like a reminder of something. Something I want to hold onto. Who we were. Who we are. Who we'll be. And who we'll never be again.
This night is very like Tenfire, but make it fally. And remove dozens of miscellaneous people from my high school years whom I don't care about. And I'm definitely not sleeping with Alex after this.
No, I'll be sleeping alone. Even though the way Brooks is looking over at me right now is sorely tempting me otherwise.
...
Trix and Meg walk me home. They both suggest dating apps at least once. Easy for them to say. I tell myself that I just need to get through this weekend. Then I go back to Seattle and back to my life. I won't let Brooks derail my life. More than he already has.
But why was that garden conversation the best part of my night?
It is freezing cold, but the numbness is welcomed. Five days until the wedding.
Five days.
Why do I suddenly picture myself standing at an altar?
"Okay, this is where we leave you," Trix says, hugging me.
"See you Thursday!" Meg says. "If we don't see each other before then."
"Thursday, right," I say. "At 30th Street Station. I'll be there. I'm thinking Irish coffee for the ride?"
"Oo, sign me up."
"Bye, babes," Trix says.
"See you two."
YOU ARE READING
Never Really Over (Bremmy 3)
ChickLit*THREEQUEL* Even when they're done, all things are never really over. It's been one year since Emmy left for the airport, two tickets in hand. A long, eventful year. Brooks has successfully launched the flagship Edge and snagged a model girlfriend...
