Fate of Two; Entwined (Trafalgar Law X OC)

chapter 21

A/N: trigger warning! graphical scenes ahead. proceed at your own caution!

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He told himself he didn't care about her anymore.

He told himself he didn't need her every time he looked at her.

He told himself she meant nothing to him, trying to keep her from invading his dreams.

Yet, the mere mention of her name sent a pang of longing through his heart.

The faintest whiff of her perfume set his mind into a whirlwind of memories.

And when their eyes met, his breath hitched in his throat, stolen away by her gaze.

She doesn't really mean nothing to me, does she?

Law questioned the silence, his ears attuned to the steady rhythm of Feyre's breathing. She would wake to the throbbing pain of a hangover, and he'd wake up to the relentless pounding caused by sleep deprivation. If he could fall asleep in order to wake up, that is. Two days had passed without the sweet release of sleep, yet it continued to elude him.

But he couldn't get himself to sleep next to her.

He yearned for the days when he could simply lie beside her, surrendering to sleep's embrace. But now, even as fatigue bore down on him, even as his eyes stung with the need for rest, sleep remained a distant dream.

He couldn't just lie down beside her and immediately fall asleep like he used to. She no longer brought him peace, no longer had that calming effect on him. He didn't want to think about what that meant for them.

So Law remained upright, head resting against the headboard even as fatigue weighed down his body, even as his eyes burned.

"Sometimes, I wish I could forget the sound of your voice," Law confessed to the dimly lit room, his words barely above a whisper. "Because it's engraved into my heart. And when I read a good book, I can hear you all excited to discuss it with me. When I'm having a bad day, I hear you telling me you love me. And when I miss you the most, I can almost hear you saying it back."

A bitter laugh escaped his lips. "You're not the only one held accountable for this. For ... whatever happened between us."

Feyre turned away from him, her breathing remained steady, undisturbed. So, Law continued, his words filling the silence. "You hid the truth, but I spent three months convincing myself I despised you. You conspired with Doflamingo for my sake, but I denied you the benefit of doubt." He fixed his gaze on the ceiling. "We both sinned. But differently." Nefes's words echoed in his mind, their meaning no longer veiled to him. "You, by committing. Me, by letting you."

"I thought I hated you. But deep down, I think I hated myself more for loving you." His gaze shifted to her, "I hate you for that thing in you that forces my heart to love you no matter what."

Law shook his head slightly, and says more to himself, "And therefore I don't know how to be angry with you." His gaze returned to the ceiling, the room seemed to hold its breath, as if waiting for him to unravel the tangled threads of his heart. "But my pride demands I figure it out."

He reached out, his fingers grazing the empty space beside him where Feyre lay. The warmth of her absence lingered, reminding him of the love they once shared. But beneath that warmth, there was a chill, a reminder of the pain they had inflicted upon each other.

He withdrew his hand. "They lied. Love is not the cure to all, if anything, it's a curse. A damnation." His heart ached as he spoke the words.

He wasn't villainizing love. Love was a beautiful thing while it lasted.