When she heard a clicking sound echoing their void home, she hurriedly put the perfectly cooked bacon and sunny-side up egg on the plate beside the steamy black coffee on the table. She smiled remembering how much she loved preparing her breakfast.
“Minari, going to work already?” The clicking sound of the stilettos stops. The person turned her head to Chaeyoung who is still wearing the brown apron with legos Mina personally knitted.
Chaeyoung smiled, “Please join me for breakfast? I cooked your favorites–”
Mina’s phone rang, indicating an incoming call. Chaeyoung watched as Mina answered the phone, “Yes, I will be there in 30.”
“I’m sorry, I cannot join you today.” Mina said as she put her phone in her bag. Her eyes are everywhere but Chaeyoung –in which she failed to notice the disappointed and longing swimming in the younger's eyes.
Chaeyoung cleared her throat, “It’s okay. Hopefully you can join me soon.”
Mina slowly nodded, “I’ll get going.” She hesitated to leave, frowning a little as she pushed her unnecessary thoughts away.
When the door’s closed, Chaeyoung sighed while looking at the food she cooked for the two of them. She already knew this would happen– it’s always like this but she still tried to mend their already falling marriage.
Chaeyoung slumped on the chair and ate the food while looking at the opposite seat which Mina always occupied.
She asked herself, ‘When did it all start?’ Their love that started since forever is now turning into a slow end.
“Congratulations!” Their friends greeted them, hands gripping balloons and cake and some of them threw confetti as they walked through the room.
“Thank you guys so much.”
Chaeyoung and Mina face each other with wide smiles. Eyes speak so much volume of how happy and grateful they are towards their loved ones as they welcome a new member of the family. They were anticipating a blessing carried by Mina.
When they shared the news to them, their friends immediately prepared a welcoming of their new baby (similar to gender reveal but the difference is they don't know the gender of their baby yet and that's another celebration of course).
But that was replaced by the news when Mina’s secretary called Chaeyoung in the afternoon that her wife was rushed to the hospital when she saw her bleeding while in the middle of the meeting.
When Chaeyoung arrived at the hospital, she felt like the world had betrayed her when the attending doctor told her that they lost the baby.
It's like her whole body shut down as the doctor explained to her further the reason for how their unborn child went to heaven. She doesn't know how she ended up in the room where Mina was lying almost lifelessly as she stared out the window but she knew she's crying, holding Mina's hand apologizing for not being there and how she could do something to prevent that from happening. Just for everything.
But Mina is not crying. Her eyes are not the same anymore. It's void and emotionless. The once bright and expressive eyes of her wife are now gone. It's like her soul got sucked out of her body.
Then gradually, Chaeyoung noticed how things changed. One of those is her wife not joining her for breakfast and dinner, she doesn't let her hold her to sleep and she doesn't smile at her anymore and if she does it's fake, she knows it's fake.
But Chaeyoung endured everything because she understands how it feels to lose someone, in their case, their unborn child. She wanted to cry and ask for Mina’s solace but she remained strong for them. If she felt like her world fell apart, then it might be worse for her wife.
It's been like that for almost 2 years. Chaeyoung doesn't want to admit it but she's getting tired of getting the same treatment from her wife. She feels like she doesn't know her at all, that she's not the same person she fell in love with. But then again, she'll go through hell and back just to fix their marriage.
She filed a resignation letter after the tragedy happened to look after her wife. So Chaeyoung remains at home, doing all she can do just to wait for her wife to come home.
Just when the clock hits 9PM, Chaeyoung immediately stood up when she heard the door open. But she soon stopped when she saw a tall woman in a white pantsuit, assisting her tipsy wife. She recognized that woman.
Of course she would. The woman with her wife right now was her ex-girlfriend. She doesn't know how things are between them but they remain friends in which Chaeyoung doesn't give a damn thing before, but now since everything changed between them, she feels a green monster starting to eat her alive. Because who wouldn't if they've been together almost everyday. More than she could be with her wife. She's jealous of how that woman held her wife's waist so gently, as if her wife would break apart if she let go of her. She's jealous that her wife seeks more of her. She's jealous of how her wife clung easily to her when she barely felt her touch. And it hurts, she wanted to break down in front of them and tell her how much she missed her everyday. Funny to think that they live under the same roof, same bed but still feels like she's thousands miles away.
“Hey,” Chaeyoung blinks, tears almost fall down but she holds it. “We had dinner with the investors and had a few drinks.” The woman explains, “I tried to stop her but you know how stubborn she is.” She chuckled softly.
Chaeyoung helped her hold Mina steadily as they went up to their bedroom to settle Mina down. Chaeyoung gently removed her hills and put her bag on the vanity table. Once settled, she went down, she saw her wife's ex-girlfriend waiting beside the door.
“Thank you Lisa, for bringing Mina home. I owe you a lot.” Chaeyoung smiled. She meant it. Her wife and Lisa might have had a past but she never showed any discomfort towards her.
“No worries, Chaeyoung.” Lisa smiled back.
When Lisa went off, Chaeyoung immediately went up to attend to her wife. She didn't forget to bring a basin and a towel. Once she's inside their room, she wet the towel and gently takes off her wife's make-up.
She stared, eyes tracing each of those beauty marks etched on Mina's face. She once dreamed of having those beauty marks on their child. But those are now wishful thinking.
“I don't know what to do anymore, Minari.” Chaeyoung whispered, tears threatening to fall down. “I'm getting tired of you treating me like…I'm just a stranger living with you.” She whimpers, biting her lips to stop herself from making too much noise because might wake up her wife. She doesn't want Mina to witness her in this state.
“You're not the only one who's grieving when we lost our angel. P-please, I need you too. And I missed you so much.”
She wiped off her tears and composed herself as she continued to remove her wife's make-up and change her clothes into comfortable ones.
That night, she held Mina to sleep just to feel her, to assure herself that everything will be okay for them and that they can go through with this. Because she feels it, she's afraid that tomorrow or the next day, she won't be able to save herself from breaking into pieces.
:)
Inspired by "Queen of Tears" got really hooked up with it.
