<12.3.24>
My anxiety feels so physically painful sometimes. It feels unbearable. It feels like my throat is tight, and my heart is beating out of my chest. It's just the side effects of the medication I'm taking, but right now it's probably better off not taking the medication just because of this.
I feel incapable. I can't even recall what happened yesterday, it was such a blur I forgot it even happened.
I want to do my work. Even better, I have the motivation to do my work, but my body feels in shock right now and it's annoying to deal with.
And I can't even ease the anxiety if I wanted to, it's caused by the medication, and now I have to wait for it to die down.
I feel paralysed in a way. I can't distract my thoughts because my body is trying to do the opposite. My head is spinning so much. I am worried I won't be able to do well even with the extension I've been given.
Sometimes I don't even know if I'm trying my best anymore. Because everything shows that I'm not even trying. I'm sitting here writing about my emotions when I could be sitting down and slowly doing my work. But one small mistake made me give up.
I am being so fragile, yet so stubborn at the same time.
I don't know how to manage. I'm kind of afraid.
—Yuna
YOU ARE READING
the Lost & Unfound : my diary
RandomA book about my search for my 'home' in this world, my cries for help and comfort, seeking for hope/happiness, my vents about absolutely everything... and if you've come across this, hi! My name is Yuna :)
