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I'm currently just lying down, and scrolling through Pinterest while listening to music for inspiration.
Although this feels really great and comforting, I still feel a little unsettled. I've been thinking a lot about myself today; not necessarily good things and it's slightly tearing me apart. I feel kind of exhausted and I feel like crying without reason.
I'm just in a low mood, but somehow I have found the energy to do these little activities that I know make me happy. It feels like I am actually trying my best despite my disruptive thoughts, and I kind of appreciate that.
I've been feeling sad but I'm not really sure why. Maybe I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed already, which is normal but normal doesn't mean it's any better. I've been so harsh to myself these past few days verbally, and I think it's really been affecting my anxiety and just my overall mood.
But I feel like I can't help it. I feel like I need help now but no one is coming to save me. But in fact, people are just taking their time to save me. That's what I've assumed. Of course, I know that people close to me care about me. But I still can't help but feel a little helpless even with their 'help', and it makes me feel so ungrateful.
There's no winning here. If I am mean and harsh to myself, I feel safe knowing that if someone else tells me that, it'll hurt less because I've already told myself that but worse. However, the things that I've been telling myself have not even been told to me before by others, so I'm kind of just crumbling apart.
At the same time, it feels odd when I feel proud of myself, so I feel hurt anyway because I tell myself to doubt my abilities because it's probably not 'worth' anything.
Either way, I spiral into an endless abyss of harmful thoughts and I feel so exhausted. Exhausted from receiving all these negative comments, and the fact that only I can stop them.
I am in such a low mood right now, it's unbelievable honestly.
I just want to be well and healthy.
—Yuna
YOU ARE READING
the Lost & Unfound : my diary
RandomA book about my search for my 'home' in this world, my cries for help and comfort, seeking for hope/happiness, my vents about absolutely everything... and if you've come across this, hi! My name is Yuna :)
