𝐈 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐈 blew up on her, and I know I upset her, but I had a good reason. At least, I thought so.
The past week I had been paranoid she would leave me, then all of a sudden she plans a random trip to New York City, so fucking far from me?
I didn't mean to yell, or even lose it on her, but she really hurt me. Maybe I was just feeling insecure about our relationship, but when she mentioned we were nothing, it hit harder. The cut that always bleeds.
Maybe she was right, I hadn't even asked her to be official, and I was already treating her like we were a married couple, which was far from what we were. Since last night, I've had more time to think about what happened, and I noticed I keep fucking up. Maybe I was the one with issues, not her. Of course she wasn't, she was just trying to protect herself from my anger, but not well enough considering I hurt her again. Was I in the wrong for caring? For caring about us? For not wanting her to leave me so soon? I needed her, and I didn't want to lose someone so dear to me.
I wanted to talk to her, but I also wanted to give her some space, so that was what I did.
This morning, I was sat at the kitchen counter, scrolling on TikTok when Nick walked in with a small smile when he noticed me.
"Good morning, what are you doing up so early?" He asked, more energetic than my attitude could handle, but one main person who was the least bothered by my 'mattitude' was Nick. He never seemed to care how angry I was at him, he always forgave me anyway.
"Oh, I just couldn't sleep." I shrugged, looking up at him as his eyes widened.
"Yeah, I can fucking tell. You haven't slept at all?" He asked, walking closer to me to lift my hair up on my forehead for a better look at my face.
"No, I told you I couldn't sleep." I said flatly, my eyes drooped as I spoke.
"Matt, babe, you need some sleep. It may be Saturday, but this," He twirled his finger in a circle in my face. "This isn't healthy, I know you're upset but she'd be disappointed." He said, and I immediately knew who he meant by 'she'.
"Yeah, well I seem to be disappointing her a lot here lately." I nodded, pulling my face from his grip to prop my head on my arm.
"Matt, don't talk like that." Nick shook his head, sitting down beside me. "Have you texted her? Maybe left her a quick voice mail?"
