𝓦𝓱𝓸 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓨𝓸𝓾? - 𝓡𝓮𝓷𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓬𝓴

十二 (Twelve)

Two long days passed.

Renjun and Haechan stayed at their respective houses, but they called often, just to see each other's faces. Ms. Huang did her best to be strong for Renjun and help him out, but little did her son know that she let everything out alone in her room at night.

On the night of April 1st, Renjun tossed and turned, his mind clouded with worry. In the morning, Haechan would be expecting him to have an appointment. He would show up, and he was screwed. There was no appointment, so why had he lied?

He could say the appointment was cancelled, but that was absolute bullshit. An appointment this important wouldn't be cancelled even if there was a snowstorm. He could also lie again and say he was sick, but he knew the younger would never fall for that in a million years. Basically, Haechan expected an appointment, and Renjun was stuck having to admit that he'd lied. It wasn't an ideal situation.

If he was being honest with himself... he'd lied because he didn't want to bother Haechan. Haechan must be having a hard time on his own, and Renjun's constant health problems would only make matters worse. He just wanted the best for Haechan, and it seemed like the best way to accomplish that was isolation.

But if that really was the case, why did he instantly feel better around Haechan? Why was his face engraved in his mind, his smile etched in his brain, his calming scent surrounding him even now? Why did he feel safer in Haechan's arms, like nothing would ever hurt him again? Why did he think of Haechan 24/7, simply wanting to be around the younger?

This whole situation confused him so much. He hated being in doubt - about himself, about his feelings, about everything. Had he been like this before the incident? Probably not - he was just a kid, after all, and deep down, he still was a kid. He'd never had the chance to be like everyone else. While the other kids his age went outside and played, making friends and experiencing the typical childhood experience, Renjun had been a whole world away, in a comatose state that could and should have killed him. And Haechan had been there too...

He wondered why he was victimizing himself, when Haechan was suffering just as much as he was. Haechan had missed out on his childhood because of him. He'd spent his days and nights sitting by Renjun's bedside, praying for his recovery when everyone else around him lost hope. While Renjun was unconscious, Haechan never left his side. Even now that he was conscious, Haechan was still there in every way possible.

While he'd taken the most physical damage, Haechan's mental state must have decreased constantly. He had to admit that he wasn't a mind reader, but he could tell Haechan was normally a very happy, bubbly person. And he tried to be that same person now, but the damage was done. Haechan wasn't that happy person anymore, all because of Renjun.

And maybe he was a little sensitive to blame himself for everything. Maybe there was no point, considering he wouldn't be around much longer anyway.

That was right, he didn't want to be alive anymore. He was sick of constantly questioning himself and everything around him. He was sick of being a useless burden. Everyone who pretended to love him secretly wanted him gone, since all he did was detrimental to them. His life was just a waste of air and space.

He wished he could stop thinking. The more he thought, the more distressed he became.

***

Inevitably, the morning came.

Renjun had eventually drifted off around three, but five hours of sleep wasn't enough for him to listen to his 8am alarm. It ended up being Haechan who entered the room as quietly as possible.

Ms. Huang had let him in without a moments' hesitation, but Haechan certainly hadn't been expecting this. Wasn't Renjun supposed to be getting ready for his appointment?

His hand hovered over Renjun's curled up body, but froze. The elder was so adorable, with his slightly parted lips and tight grip on his bear plushie. Haechan could hardly wake him when he was so cute.

Haechan had always found Renjun heavenly, but now more than ever, Renjun was more beautiful than anything in the entire world. Day by day, every time Haechan saw his friend, he fell deeper and deeper into his enchanting aura. He'd never felt so strongly about anyone before, but Renjun was simply irresistible. He couldn't help it.

At that moment, Renjun sat up a little, confused. "Haechannie?"

Haechan mentally cursed, but he kept a smile on his face. "Good morning, Renjunnie."

"Did my mom let you in?" asked Renjun, not even surprised anymore. Honestly, Haechan could break into his house without permission, and he wouldn't even be mad.

Haechan nodded. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

Renjun sighed. "Haechannie, I lied... my appointment isn't really today, it's tomorrow."

Haechan sat down on the bed beside Renjun, one arm around him. "Why did you lie?"

"I didn't want you to worry about me." said Renjun. "I didn't know what you were trying to do when you asked. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." said Haechan, as Renjun bit his lip to stop himself from crying yet again. He chuckled slightly. "It's not a big deal, Renjunnie. And you don't have to worry about my intentions. I only want to keep you safe, nothing more."

"But that's only one more problem for you." said Renjun. "You should focus on yourself."

Haechan shifted, looking directly into Renjun's eyes. "Huang Renjun, I care about you. Your problems don't necessarily have to be my problems, nor do mine have to be yours. However, let's face our problems and overcome them together. That's the most we can do."

Renjun smiled. "You're sweet today."

"Just today?" teased Haechan, a wide grin on his face.

Renjun giggled. "Yeah, just today." he said, deciding to test his luck.

Haechan lunged forward and started tickling Renjun playfully, the elder laughing uncontrollably as he found his most ticklish spot. And little did they know, Ms. Huang stood in the doorway, a sad smile on her face as she watched the boys giggling and smiling. It reminded her of when times were normal, when Renjun and Haechan were just kids. She missed that so much.