𝓦𝓱𝓸 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓨𝓸𝓾? - 𝓡𝓮𝓷𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓬𝓴

十一 (Eleven)

Before long, the day had turned into night. Renjun, Haechan, Jeno, and Jaemin were sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Haechan's siblings had already gone to bed (at least, that's what they said they would do), and his parents were still at the company.

Jeno and Jaemin clung tightly to each other, Jaemin nearly sitting on Jeno's lap, as if there was no other space on the couch. Haechan noticed this and pulled Renjun closer.

The elder looked up, confused. "What are you doing?" he whispered.

"They each have their person. I want to have my person, too."

Renjun blushed. "Shut up."

Haechan grinned. "You should know by now that I don't know how to do that."

"I believe that." said Renjun. "But we're not a couple, for heaven's sake."

Haechan averted his gaze. Why did he care so much about Renjun's words?

"I know." he said finally. "But we do love each other."

The two hadn't noticed this, but Jeno had paused the movie and was now watching them, along with his boyfriend. Renjun frowned, looking anywhere but at Haechan.

"Who said I loved you?"

"I'm not saying you love me like that." said Haechan quickly. "But I thought we were friends, at least..."

"Shit, why did I say that?" muttered Renjun. "No, Haechannie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that..."

"Don't be sorry." said Haechan softly. "I understand."

"But... Haechannie, why am I so emotional? Why can't I smile? Why don't I know anything? Why am I even here?"

Haechan's eyes filled with worry. He hugged Renjun even tighter, the elder looking up at him expectedly.

"One question at a time." he said softly. "You're emotional because it's who you are. And there's nothing wrong with that. You can't smile because I haven't made you happy enough."

"Haechannie-"

"Shush." said Haechan, not unkindly. "You say you don't know anything, but you know so much more than most people in your situation often do. And you're here because someone loves you."

Renjun buried his face in Haechan's chest. He couldn't cry anymore. He'd cried too many times today. "I don't feel loved, though. I feel so fucking worthless. Name one person who would cry if I was gone."

Haechan took a deep breath. "Me, Jeno, Jaemin, Mark-hyung, Chenle, Jisung, your mom, my mom, my siblings - yes, even them - your father, and a lot of others. And most of all, me. Need I say more?"

"Why would my father cry? If he loved me enough to cry for me, he wouldn't have left me."

Haechan felt a pang of sadness hit him. "Your father did what he thought was best for you. Trust me, you might not remember him, but I remember. He loved you as much as he could. When he left... at the time, we both thought he was a horrible person, but now I know that he meant it when he said it wasn't you, or your mother; it was him."

Their moment was interrupted by Jaemin standing up awkwardly. Renjun and Haechan looked at him.

He cleared his throat. "I'm going to bed, I'm tired. Coming, Samoyed?"

"Sure." shrugged Jeno, standing up as well. "Sorry." he added to Renjun and Haechan in a whisper as he passed.

"It's alright." said Renjun.

But it wasn't alright. Nothing about this was alright. Renjun's mind was clouded with a feeling he couldn't remember feeling in his entire life - true love.

"We should call it a night too." said Haechan. "I would offer you my parents' bedroom, but I don't know if they'll be home tonight. You can have my room, I'll sleep on the couch."

"No." said Renjun, grabbing Haechan's arm to stop him from leaving. "Stay with me. I feel safe when I'm with you. That first night I was discharged... when you were next to me, I didn't have any nightmares."

Jaemin, who had secretly been eavesdropping from the top of the stairs, turned to Jeno excitedly. Jeno only smiled.

"What do you think?"

Jaemin grinned. "I think it's time to play matchmaker."

***

Before long, Renjun was comfortably settled in what had to be the warmest, coziest pajama set. It happened to be a fox onesie.

"You know, I had this custom-made for you." said Haechan, smiling as he laid down in his bear onesie. "Fox is your spirit animal. Mine's a bear."

"So that's why... the plushies..."

Haechan nodded. "Those were made for us too. We had them the night of the crash."

"Really?"

"Why would I lie about that?" asked Haechan. "Those plushies have a special place in my heart. They were made so that no matter where we are, we'll always be together."

"That's sweet." said Renjun. "I wouldn't have it any other way, either."

Haechan grinned. "Did you notice they have Velcro on their paws? They can only attach to each other."

He leaned over and grabbed his plushies from the floor, connecting their paws. "See? They're specially designed to connect with each other, and each other only."

Renjun smiled. "Just like us."

"Exactly." said Haechan, wrapping his arms around Renjun. "This isn't hurting you, right?"

"Not at all." said Renjun. "In fact, I feel so happy like this."

"Good." grinned Haechan. "What's the bet Jeno and Jaemin are eavesdropping on us?"

Renjun giggled. "It's likely."

From outside the door, Jeno and Jaemin smirked at each other.

***

Ms. Huang opened the door to see her best friend standing there, still in her fancy work clothes.

"You wanted to see me?" inquired Mrs. Lee.

Ms. Huang nodded. "Come on in, Haemi. I have to talk to you."

Mrs. Lee followed Ms. Huang to the couch. They sat down together. Ms. Huang looked a mess. Her light brown hair was messy, slightly graying in some spots. Her chocolate-colored eyes were red. It looked like she hadn't slept in days.

"What's wrong, Meihua?" asked Mrs. Lee, the slightest hint of worry in her eyes.

"I'm worried about our boys." said Ms. Huang finally, her hand against her temple.

"Both of them?" frowned Mrs. Lee. "Why Haechan?"

"I fear that Haechan dwells too much on the past." said Ms. Huang. "He doesn't want to let go of what he and Renjun had before the incident. I'm afraid that they'll feed off each other's pain- you know how much they love each other. Haechan's upset that everything they did together before the crash will go to waste, and Renjun feels guilty for Haechan's misery. Likewise, Renjun's frustrated from not being able to do anything, while Haechan's worried about him more than himself. They've put a strain on their own friendship."

Mrs. Lee listened carefully, nodding every now and then. "I think it's best to let them figure things out on their own." she said. "I don't want to pressure my son into being happier, and I'm sure you wouldn't do the same thing for Renjun. We should let them gradually learn to accept the truth and move on. It'll be hard for the both of them, sure, but what else can we do?"

"I guess you're right... goodness, I don't know anymore." sighed Ms. Huang, reaching for the bottle of wine beside her.