𝓦𝓱𝓸 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓨𝓸𝓾? - 𝓡𝓮𝓷𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓬𝓴

三 (Three)

Ms. Huang smiled when she saw Haechan in the kitchen, working hard at the pancakes. "You know him so well."

Haechan nodded, grinning. "I consider it my best strength. But I have to ask... aren't you upset?"

Ms. Huang knew he was referring to Renjun's amnesia. "Of course I am." she said, lowering her voice. "But I don't want to show it to Renjun. I'm afraid he'll blame himself, like he always has. I want to be strong for him."

"You're a lot stronger than me, then." said Haechan, smiling sadly. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"For?" asked Ms. Huang, puzzled.

"For raising your son to be so beautiful and perfect. Even if he missed out on seven years of his life... he's still just as amazing as before."

"I don't think I'm the one we should be thanking." said Ms. Huang. "You have no idea how much Renjun loves you, Haechan. He might act indifferent to your affection most of the time, but before the accident, there wasn't a day that went by without him fawning over you. He really adores you, darling, and I doubt he'd be the person he is today if it weren't for you."

"That's... flattering." breathed Haechan. He'd had no idea he meant this much to Renjun.

Ms. Huang chuckled. "You should be proud of yourself, Haechan. You've made both mine and Renjun's lives bearable."

"Thank you, Mom." said Haechan happily. "Can you go tell Renjunnie his pancakes are ready?"

"No need." said Renjun, walking into the room. "They smell really good."

"Try one!" said Haechan eagerly, handing the plate to Renjun. "And let me know if you want more, I don't mind."

"I think this is enough." giggled Renjun, eyeing the twelve large pancakes stacked on his plate. He tried to lift the fork, but his hand shook violently, and he dropped it.

"Here, let me help you." said Haechan, quickly catching the fork and cutting a small piece off one of the pancakes. Renjun allowed the younger to feed him, never having felt more helpless.

"Sorry I can't do much on my own." he said, once he had swallowed the food.

"Don't apologize, none of this is your fault." said Haechan. "How is it?"

"It's really good." said Renjun, grinning widely. "Thank you so much."

"It's nothing, really." said Haechan. "I want to help you get better, Renjunnie. Even if it takes all my time, I still want you to be happy and healthy."

***

That night, Haechan followed Renjun to his small bedroom. "Do you need help with anything?"

"No, I'm fine." said Renjun. But even as he said it, he dropped the shirt he was attempting to grab.

"W-why can't I grab anything?" he choked out nervously.

"Your body's much weaker than it used to be. It might take a few years before you can lift things as normal." said Haechan. "Come here, I'll do it."

Renjun's face was flushed. "B-but..."

"I won't look, I promise. Besides, we're best friends, aren't we?"

Renjun hesitated. "That's the thing... I don't feel very close with you right now."

"What do you mean?" asked Haechan instantly.

"Well... technically, we just met... I don't think I'd consider you my best friend yet if you weren't my only friend. I'm sorry."

Haechan was a little hurt, but he forced a warm smile on his face. "It's okay. I understand. Can you at least let me help you? I don't want you to weaken yourself even more."

"Alright." said Renjun. "Just... don't look, please. I look hideous, my ribs are almost sticking out of my skin."

"You look beautiful, as always." said Haechan, carefully sliding Renjun's T-shirt over his head. "I'll get your mom to help with your pants, okay?"

"No." said Renjun quickly. "I'd... I don't want this to sound weird, but... you're already here, I don't mind if you do it."

Haechan suppressed a giggle at Renjun's flustered face. "If you insist... you're sure you'll be fine?"

Renjun nodded. "It's okay. Just don't look."

Haechan had to admit, it was very hard not to look. Luckily, Renjun noticed nothing.

"There." said Haechan, fixing the sleeves of Renjun's pajama shirt. "I'll stay in your room tonight if you don't mind, I want to make sure you're alright."

"I... Haechan..."

Renjun suddenly seemed very uncomfortable. Haechan wrapped an arm around Renjun. "What's wrong?" he asked in concern.

"I'd feel safer with you beside me." the elder said quietly, averting his gaze. "If you don't mind, that is... can you sleep with me tonight? Just to make sure I don't hurt myself?"

"Of course." said Haechan instantly. "I'll help you with anything you need, Renjunnie. Don't be afraid to ask, okay?"

He grabbed his clothes and hugged them to his chest, something he'd always done as a source of comfort during Renjun's coma. "I'm going to change in the bathroom. Stay right here."

Renjun sighed and flopped down on his bed. He hated not being able to do anything.

He looked around the room. Every picture on the wall was of him and the small boy from the pictures downstairs, apparently Haechan. They both looked so happy... it was hard to believe these innocent boys had only been months away from tragedy...

And even though he couldn't remember anything, he was hit by a wave of nostalgia. Looking around his bedroom, he realized he could never be the innocent boy he'd been back before the crash. Now, he knew the worst parts of the world. He underwent a torture not many can say they've survived. And while others might find it intriguing, he found it hellish.

People might say he was lucky to be alive, but what was the point? He was just a burden. He couldn't do anything on his own. People had to take care of him constantly. And while a small part of him appreciated it, he wished he could take responsibility for his own life. He was stuck in a state of childlike dependency, and it was just a problem to everyone who crossed his path.

And Haechan... Haechan said he didn't mind it, but eventually, he'd get tired of him. He could only assume that was exactly what his father did.

He wasn't supposed to be alive. If he was, why did he feel so worthless? Everything he did was just a problem to everyone else.

"Renjunnie? Are you okay?"

Haechan was standing above him. Renjun quickly forced a smile.

"I'm okay, Haechannie." he lied. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to..."

"If you need me, I'll gladly be there for you, Renjunnie." said Haechan, laying beside Renjun. "You know, we always used to do this. Sleeping together. This was back when we were kids. I didn't want to be separated from you."

"But now you are." whispered Renjun.

"Hm?" hummed Haechan.

"Nothing." said Renjun quickly. "Good night, Haechan."

"Good night, Renjunnie. Wake me if you need anything."