I Used To Be Alright

Chapter 23

Ryujin

"Fuck it." She whispered to herself as she pressed the send button.

She has been staring at her phone for an hour – typing and redoing her reply, and contemplating whether or not it was a stupid move to agree.

The truth was, she wasn't able to enjoy her break at all. Not that any break has been enjoyable when she's with family, but it gave her an added layer of anxiety when she chose to put it off until school's back on.

In the middle of playing a game with her online friends, she was surprised to see an unfamiliar photo in her phone's notification panel. She usually stays in during the break and avoids as much socialization as she can. So the only people who actually messages her – that are not on her muted or restricted list – are her friends, and recently, Somi.

But even that would stop sooner, as the brunette decided to finally break it up with the blonde after the break.

To her surprise, the notification was from Yeji's mom. Despite being friends with her on the app for a while now, they haven't really exchanged anything – so she immediately abandoned the game and jumped straight into thinking of every possible bad thing that she would read, before actually opening the message.

Weirdly, it was a seemingly harmless catch-up invite from her. She doesn't know what the older woman was thinking, or if Yeji has told her Mom what happened, but the message didn't give any kind of hint that she has an idea that the two have stopped talking since a month and a half ago.

Ultimately, she decided to let it pass and give herself some time to calm down before replying. And before she knows, it's the end of winter break – and she's left with no choice but to answer.

She didn't know if Yeji is aware of it, or if she'll be there, but Ryujin felt some sort of duty to at least provide an explanation – if that's what this catch up would get into.

The older woman seemed to have developed a curiosity towards her, despite only meeting her once. And if it had been a different time, she would've loved to exchange stories with her about Yeji – all adoringly and hers.

Instead, she's contemplating on how to mentally prepare herself for the meeting.

When the agreed date came, Ryujin has pretty much prepared for all the possible questions from Mrs. Hwang. And by that, she meant that she spent the last 3 weeks listing and ranking the worst questions she might hear. She has never prepared this much even for exams that she had to mentally slap herself at one point to regain a little bit of her sanity back.

She entered the door of the restaurant and was surprised to see the older woman sitting at the corner table alone.

She paused to verify if she really was alone – glanced at the counter to see if Yeji was ordering, followed the pathway to the bathroom, perhaps, she went there real quick? But she saw no signs of the feline eye.

She sighed with relief, trying to bury the bubbling feeling of yearning. Having seen no trace of the girl in question for 3 months now.

She mustered up her courage and approached her company.

"Mrs. Hwang, annyeong." She bowed with respect when their eyes met.

The older woman smiled at her.

"No need to be too formal with me, Ryujin-ah. How was your drive here?"

After a few more exchanges regarding the travel, school, Mrs. Hwang's work and meeting in the area, they started to get into the more personal part of the conversation.

"I don't really want to bother you with it, and I am not someone who interferes with any of my daughter's business. In fact, I haven't really been needed in that department..." Mrs. Hwang started.

"But recently, I noticed something off about her. And she is someone who's very secure of herself. But I got the impression that she lost some of that sense recently."

Ryujin's heart instantly broke a little upon hearing the news.

"And since I know that you're a fairly new friend. Someone that she has mentioned once or twice before – which she had never done. Apart from Chaeryeong and Yuna, of course. I figured I might get some sort of insight from you."

So she didn't know anything. Ryujin thought before gathering herself to answer the older woman.

"I see." She forced her voice out of her throat.

"The truth is, Mrs. Hwang, we haven't really been talking for a few months now because... because of a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding?" Mrs. Hwang's brows shot up.

"I did something that hurt her." Ryujin felt her heart beating out of her chest.

"You did something? Or was it something that the two of you were involved in, and you two ended up being hurt?"

She was taken aback by the question. Was it? She has recalled the memory in her head a hundred times that she couldn't make sense of anything anymore.

"I-" She paused, not knowing what to say.

"Was it, perhaps, intentional? You hurting her?" Mrs. Hwang leaned in closer without any hint of anger, just curiosity.

Ryujn almost moved the table in between them because of her sudden movement to sit up straight.

"N- Of course not, Mrs. Hwang. I would never intentionally hurt Yeji. Not even a single thought about that crossed my mind. It's just... the timing was all too complicated. And I guess we weren't clear about being on the same page and what not."

There was a pause as the older woman seemed to be contemplating on what the situation might've been.

"I see." was the only response she received after the pause.

"How about you? Did she hurt you?"

Ryujin kept on getting more surprised by her company's questions as the conversation went on.

"No." She sighed. "I've hurt myself, too, while she was at it. So, really, it was me who's at fault."

"Hmmm. I see." The older remarked again, as if she knows something that only people who have gone through more years would.

"Nothing that a proper sit down talk would solve, yes?"

She asked – and although Ryujin knew that it would be difficult, she couldn't do anything but agree. Things would probably be better had she not avoided Yeji and succumbed to self blame. Or not. But it would've been better to try, anyway.

She nodded weakly – not meeting Mrs. Hwang's eyes.

"Well, there you have it. I don't know how you kids do it nowadays. But usually, a conversation is a good start. Like today."

Ryujin nodded for the second time. She did feel a lot better after telling someone about it. And who would've thought that it would be Yeji's mom who would knock some sense into her.

When the afternoon ended, Ryujin politely bowed her head goodbye but was surprised to receive a warm embrace from the older woman.

"You got it from here, Ryujin-ah?"

She nodded and sent Mrs. Hwang off to her car.

When she got home, she collapsed to bed and fell asleep instantly.