I Used To Be Alright

Chapter 21

Ryujin

Ryujin was sitting in the far end of the cafeteria, waiting for her friends, when she heard a familiar greeting.

"Hiii."

She looked up. Expectedly, she saw the tall blonde making her way towards the seat beside her.

"Hey." She greeted back.

"How did the presentation go?"

"Hmm. It was fine."

Ryujin kept her attention on her phone as she opened their group chat and sent a quick text: Somi's joining us this afternoon, I guess.

She got the usual thumbs up response from Minju, an eyeroll emoji from Minjeong and nothing but the read receipt from Lia.

It has been a week since Yeji's confession.

It physically hurt her to not say she likes her back. But it would cause a lot more harm than good (or so she thought), so she did the first sensible thing she could think of – she kept her mouth shut.

If not for the stupid booty call and encounter she had with Somi the night before the talk, she would probably be sitting side by side with the feline eye now. Waiting for the rest of the group as they keep each other updated with the day's events. Probably holding her hand, even.

Instead, she's stuck with Somi.She has given up on trying to get rid of the girl. She tells herself that it was a payback for being taken care of when she was sick. But, in reality, she would accept any kind of available escape or distraction, if it meant having enough things on her plate to not barge in her dorm and beg for Yeji back.

She has troubled her enough already.

Besides, Somi has been the daily reminder of the fact that she might never deserve her in this lifetime.

And, boy, does she like to punish herself for missing her chance at it.

"Oh they're here... hiiii~"

She was brought back to her consciousness by the blonde abruptly standing up to greet her friends. She followed soon after and was greeted by multiple side eyes and a "dude what the hell?" stare from Minjeong.

Lia was just straight up pissed. Ryujin has been trying to calm her down since the day when Somi decided to let herself be a part of the group and meet them during lunch. Ryujin was pretty sure that she thinks they're dating now.

She doesn't understand it – but she felt herself going insane as the day went by. She hasn't seen even a trace of Yeji for a week. And everyday, she had to pause in front of the mirror to calm down and talk herself out of walking by her department.

This went on for a couple more weeks.

When exam season came, Somi miraculously opted out of meeting Ryujin to focus on studying.

It's also Ryujin's first time to enter the library again after a month. She reflexively glanced towards their old table and saw a group of unfamiliar freshmen occupying it.

She rounded the table a couple more times before deciding to settle on the floor behind the Classics' shelf.

A few minutes later, someone plopped down beside her.

"Minju-yah. Hey."

She lifelessly greeted.

The other girl just sat quietly and started to read through her own notes. They stayed in their own bubble for what seemed like a couple of hours.

Thankfully, Ryujin was able to at least absorb some of the topics due to the quietness of the surroundings. When she reached the end of the first book, she looked up and noticed that a lot of the students had come and gone – most of the tables were now unoccupied, including the one which she struggled not to pay attention to.

She continued to stare at the table, as if thinking about Yeji would magically make her appear there.

How many times have we met here again? It must suck for her to see the table now, too. She might've chosen to stay in. She thought to herself.

She sighed and tried to go back to reading. Tried being the operative word. After the nth time, she gave up, closed her book and rested her head back on the shelf.

"I'm done now, too."

Her eyes snapped open. She almost forgot that Minju was beside her. She has always been the most quiet and introverted out of all of them. Always going with whatever the group wants, always willing to adjust.

Thinking about it, Ryujin has never heard anything negative from her since the Yeji and Somi incident. No praises either, of course. But she was the only one who didn't crucify her for her mistakes.

She balances the group like this. And if Ryujin being honest, she might be the most sensible one among the four.

She expected the other girl to leave after noticing that she had packed all her things inside her bag. Instead, she moved so she was directly facing the brunette and smiled sadly.

"You look for her everywhere, huh?"

Ryujin, not knowing how to react to the direct question, just lowered his head and nodded.

"Yeah. And you like her a lot, too. All of this must be tough for you."

The brunette couldn't get herself to speak. Again.

"You know you can't stay silent whenever we bring Yeji up, right? You'll have to talk about it eventually. And I'll be here, alright? I can go through it with you. Sober."

Minju squeezed her arm before standing up to leave.

Ryujin knows she's right. All of them are.

But now, she can only handle one thing at a time.