I Used To Be Alright

Chapter 13

Ryujin

Her hangouts with Yeji have become more frequent. She would ask for her company every chance she got, and the feline eye, in turn, would frequently offer help down to the smallest thing.

She found herself craving her presence more and more as the day went on. She would look after her when they're together, and would look for her when they're not.

She barely even talked to anyone else aside from some people from classes, Minjeong and Minju – both of whom were still clueless about the reason why Ryujin suddenly minimized her presence in group hang outs.

On the other hand, Lia still hasn't warmed up to her since the last argument and Yeji was starting to notice it. They were hanging out by the lake when she brought the topic up.

"Something going on between you and your friends?" Yeji asked as they were finishing their ice cream.

"Huh?"

Ryujin almost choked because of how casual she sounded.

The feline eye shrugged. "I haven't seen you hanging out with them and you've been spending a lot of time with me recently. So I figured there might be something."

Does she think that I only hang out with her because of- wait.

The brunette looked at her strangely.

"It's nothing like that, Yeji-ah. I just really enjoy being with you."

Yeji smiled at her briefly but regained the inquisitive look right after.

"So you guys are alright?"

Ryujin sighed helplessly.

"Not exactly."

"So what is it? The reason why you're avoiding each other?"

She knew that there's no winning when Yeji started her curious questioning.

She let out another sigh.

"Okay. So Lia and I had a couple of arguments. And the other two are still unaware about it."

Yeji waited for her to continue.

"The first one was in Jeju, a few days before the trip ended." There was recognition in the feline's face, but she remained quiet.

"And then the other one was the day when I bumped into you and your Mom in the park. Prior to that whole drunk incident."

Yeji 's eyes grew wide but she stayed patient and only let out a soft hmmm.

"Its-"

Ryujin paused. Was she really gonna tell Yeji the reason for the argument? She looked straight to the feline's eyes and almost got lost in them. She shook her head lightly and began speaking again.

"It's because of a girl I like."

There was another shift in Yeji's expression but Ryujin couldn't quite understand what it was this time.

"She's... off limits. I guess? Another one of my friends liked her a lot, too, and it would mess with our friendship, or whatever, that I developed the same feelings."

"Why?" Yeji finally spoke up.

"Does the girl like her back? Are they, like, together?"

"No. But girl code, or something."

"I don't quite get it. But I guess it really does complicate things that you and your friend are both involved."

She paused.

"But I was more intrigued that you actually like someone, Ryujin-ah. I thought the day would never come."

There it was again. Yeji was laughing but there was a slight hint of something else with the way she said it. She might be reading too much into it, but by the time they're wrapped the topic up, Ryujin had to pause and fish out a handkerchief in her bag – she didn't realize how clammy her palms had become because of it.

"I never quite understand much about relationships... or love."

Yeji remarked as they were walking back to her dorm. This has become an unspoken habit whenever they hangout after classes or outside. Ryujin would not let Yeji travel back to her dorm alone – whatever time of day it was – so they quickly fell into the routine of Ryujin driving or walking Yeji back home.

"Me neither." Ryujin admitted.

Yeji looked at her and paused.

"Haven't you been in a lot of situations before? You should know a lot."

The brunette chuckled and slipped her hand inside her pockets.

"They weren't anywhere near relationships, or love."

"Then why do you still do it?"

Ryujin glanced towards Yeji. She looked curious. And concerned. There weren't any traces of judgment or prejudice in her voice. And in that moment, Ryujin instantly felt safe opening up to her. Even after all the moments when she already did when she was drunk and the feline eye had no idea that she was doing them consciously.

"It's a way to fill a space, I guess."

It's evident that Yeji didn't get the answer that she needed, but remained quiet anyway.

"But you like someone now?"

"Hmm."

"What is she like?"

Ryujin halted in her steps – a million things going through her mind. How could she describe to the very same girl that she likes, how she's like, without being too obvious about it?

Yeji waited.

"You know when you're walking on a long street during summer, and the sun's almost burning your skin? And then along your walk, you find a spot that's shaded by random clouds as they move freely in the sky to block the sun. You walk through it to breathe. The immediate relief and comfort that you get from that random chunk of cloud – she's... she's like that. The girl I like. She's comfort."

The feline eye just looked at her.

"She sounds amazing."

Yeji was now smiling at her with that same look in her eyes.

Not long after, they reached Yeji's dorm in silence.

"Thanks for walking me home."

She took another glance at the feline eye and she saw a hint of that same look in her eyes – was it sadness? Disappointment? She still couldn't determine what it was.

Without thinking, she reached out and placed her hand on top of Yeji's head to ruffle her hair lightly.

"Always, Yeddeong. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

She flashed her the widest grin she could muster before turning around to go home.