Into The Blues

Ch 21 Smoke

Elsie

As I expected Anna Grey was furious. She looked at me like she would kill me with her glaring eyes while she marched towards me in her high heels.

But what I didn't expect is that she is not alone. She came in a luxurious black car with Dean behind the wheels. Is he now her boyfriend?

I looked around. Zade is gone or should I say vanished as always. He is a very strange boy. But he helped me, if it weren't for him I would have not never called Anna.

I walked towards Anna, prepared for her long lines of complaints. Instead, she said nothing and gave me a simple towel to wrap around.

My bones felt relaxed with a sudden warmth. God, I was soaking for hours. She nudged me forward and opened the back seat for me. I was about to sit when Dean broke the silence, "Got caught in the rain little girl?"

He looked at my face, my wet hair and looked around, "Hum, Party right? The great Ford brother's party." He lowered his gaze on me, "Did you have fun? I doubt so."

I said nothing instead Anna replied him curtly, "Seen enough Dean? Then you should realise she is cold. You should run the wheels fast."

Dean gave her a sharp look, "Yep baby, We should go."

I sat in the back seat pulling the towel closer. I never liked the way he looks at me, it's too creepy and he is Anna's boyfriend whatever. I wish I could change her taste in boys.

The next fifteen minutes of drive was short and silent. I am grateful to Anna for saying nothing or for not shouting at me for ignoring Mom's calls. No matter how much we sisters fight but I know she will not yell at me in front of a stranger.

I looked outside the window, the dim lights of late New York City blinking in my eyes.

What do you have for me now, New York?

•~~~~~•

Cold hands woke me up in the middle of the night. I startled and gasped at the sudden touch. I didn't know when I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. Probably after crying.

It was Mora, my roommate.
"I don't want to disturb your sweet sleep but you, lying on the bathroom floor at 3 am is creepy as fuck."

"I am sorry, I didn't know I dozed off." My voice was heavy, The effect of past hours was clearly visible.

Sometimes I wonder why do I cry so much. I mean like all the time. *Clara used to tell me I am very sensitive, who in fact cries on very small matters. Which in fact is true. I can cry about not getting my favourite breakfast and be stone-faced when an earthquake hits. It is really ridiculous.

But if you think about it, It actually makes sense to me.
I have always expected bad things to happen in my life often, So when It really happens, something big, I am as unchanged as a stone.

But for some things so small as eating your favourite dish cooked by your mom or planning a picnic with your friends. You really hope it to happen and if it doesn't, It hurts like hell.

In that moment, You actually find the pain of sorrow. The ache of emptiness for the tears to release the bindings of disappointment and let again make you say 'It's okay, I should have expected this.'

But never in my wild thoughts, I expected to face Adrian tonight, So broken, So tortured, and so angry.

I have never seen him like that. He was not the boy I knew. The golden boy that used to make me smile is now broken by me.

And he hates me for all I can say.

"Uh-ha, Girl you look like you seriously need something." Mora extended a hand signalling me to stand up.

"What?" I stood up ignoring her hand.

She rolled her eyes and moved out of the bathroom and I followed her grabbing my sweater from the rack.
The lights stung my eyes. It is much brighter here. I could see her face more clearly now, She changed her blue braid to dark green. Looks like I am not the only who dyed my hair.

I sat on my bed while Mora went towards her drawer. She looked at me once and clicked her tongue, "Do you drugs?"

"What!?" I asked surprised by the sudden question.

"Just answer it, girl. I am not the one to judge you."

"No, of course not!" I said abruptly. What is her question? Ohh maybe she thought cause I was knocked off on the damn floor.

"I guessed so. You look too innocent." I rolled my eyes, "What do you want?" This is the longest talk she ever had with me.

"Well, I don't know what's the matter with you but here-" She took out a lighter from the drawer while holding a smoke joint in another hand, "it helps."

I looked at her and shook my head, "No never, I cannot do that."

Mora sighed, "Take it girl you need it."

I hesitated, I never thought I would ever go on the road of drugs and smoke. No matter how miserable I am, It's bad.
But It is not my health I care about because I know once I start, I am never going back.

The road should remain closed forever. I avoided it all my life. Not for me but for my mum. If she ever finds out, I can't handle how broken she would be. My father was an addict and It destroyed him and Mum together.

But at the same time, I can't handle this anyway. Always thinking about what's best for others. Always trying to do the right thing. Be the perfect girl like pain doesn't affect me at all.

"It's ok if you don't want it. It's your choice."

I am done faking it.

"Wait" I took the joint from her hand and the lighter.

It was 3:16 am when I first smoked a joint. Took my first escape from reality and let the drug numb my senses for a while.
.
.
It was oddly calming.
.
.
It felt good to try something new.
.
.
It felt good to do something out of my league.
.
.
I am not the good girl anymore....I never was.