Fuck It, I Love You - Katya Zamo

he's all I ever knew of love

song recommendation: criminal - fiona apple

3 years after the breakup

You must have been staring at yourself in the mirror for a while now, constantly changing your outfit because nothing seemed fitting for the occasion.

It had been 3 years since you had last seen each other and it wasn't pretty, at all.

"This wasn't supposed to happen..." You said in disbelief as you walked to the bathroom to fix yourself while Brian's still in bed, recomposing himself post orgasm.

"Don't say that, (Y/N)" He answered solemnly.

"That's not why I came here" You respond with frustration, walking back to the room and starting to put your clothes back on.

"Can we talk about this?" He sat up as he watched you.

"I wish we wouldn't" You answered, looking around for your bra.

"Stay here" He asked. "Please, baby..."

"Brian..." You sigh. "We're not-"

"Then explain to me why I was inside you just five minutes ago" He stood up now, putting his underwear and sweatpants back on and walking up to you.

"Because-" You breathe out. "I don't know, okay? What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to come back to me. We were so happy here..." His tone was laced with emotion, looking like a child desperate for a new toy.

"Bri-" You close your eyes and sigh before looking into his innocent eyes. "It's over. Things are never gonna go back to what they were before and that's not even your fault. We graduated, Sasha's gone, I'm gone... let's just... move on, okay?" You reply patiently, wanting to believe your words. Ignoring the aching feeling of saying goodbye again.

"Then why do you come here and fuck me if you're not gonna stay? Do you not give a shit about me?" His eyes were glistening with tears and his voice cracked with frustration.

"I came here to get the rest of my things, I wasn't planning to fuck you. It just happened. We're in our feelings, it's been a while and we love each other... it's natural that we-"

"Do you have someone?" He cut you off, asking it with a stone cold serious expression.

"What?" You were caught off guard.

"That's why you can't stay, isn't it?"

"Bri-" He interrupted.

"My God, the grave wasn't even cold" He scoffed, enough for the tears to break free.

"Oh, shut the fuck up. That's not what this about, Brian. Do you wanna know? Do you really wanna know why we broke up? Why I'm not coming back here?" Your tone was harsh, you would be regretting this tomorrow.

"Go ahead, hit me" He scoffed.

"Do you even know me anymore? Because it seems like you still perceive me as the frightened virgin who would do anything for you. Do you remember when was the last time you actually cared about what I said? That you heard my worries? My dreams?" You cried and he stood in silence.

"When was the last time you got high?" You asked dead on. He didn't answer.

"Unbelievable..." You muttered.

"Tell me. Tell me what I am" He teased with an evil look. Stepping closer to you, making you scared of him for the first time.

"TELL ME WHAT I AM" He yelled at your face, gripping your arms. You said nothing, staring at him with wide frightened eyes.