Fuck It, I Love You - Katya Zamo

let it happen

He doesn't let you continue before he's standing up and heading outside. You stare incredulously until you start following him.

"How mature of you to run from the conversation, Brian..." You scoff.

"Spare me, (Y/N)" He answered harshly.

"When are you going to grow the fuck up?" You furiously follow him as you step into the first level deck then walking down the steps that led to the backyard. Your heart violently pounding in nervousness and fear for his reaction.

"Hopefully never. When will you stop being a fucking liar?" He stopped and turned to you before resuming his actions.

"I didn't lie!" You cried.

"Then why wouldn't you tell me that you had plans with him?" He questioned.

"Because I forgot, okay? It sounds pathetic, I know, but that's just how important it was for me. Also, he's married and has children" You clarify but that isn't enough to make him stop.

"People cheat, you would know that" He stops again to turn around and face you. Your heart skips a beat as he hit a nerve, a subject you had ignored up until now. You look at him stunned.

"Why are you saying it like it happened to you when you were the guy I cheated on Ezra with?" You answered with an aching heart.

This is going a lot heavier than you anticipated.

"I had no idea you were dating someone! You were the one to reach out to me and come to my apartment, watch my show, see how my life was like when I was starting to get back on my feet, I let you see how lonely I was and then, out of pity, you fucked me, knowing full well you had someone to get back to. How do you think I felt, huh?" His blue eyes start watering as he talks.

"B-" You try.

"I was the first guy you said I love you to. I was the first guy you let inside you. I'm the guy that always crawls back to you. Then why do you do this?" He cried, resuming his steps as you reach the 3rd level now, close to the bottom.

"Can I-" You start but he cuts you off.

"What am I doing wrong? Why don't you love me anymore, (Y/N)?" His voice breaks, laced with emotion as you finally step on the grass.

"You're doing nothing wrong, Bri" You say.

"Then why can't you look me in the eye and say that you love me? Why do you have to go out with some guy on your birthday-" He questioned.

"Brian-" You try again with more force.

"Did you think about what would happen to me? What about me, (Y/N)?" That was your final straw.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, BRIAN! LET ME SPEAK FOR FUCK'S SAKE" You speak with a louder tone, catching him off guard as he stared at you with those big glistening blue eyes, breath hitching.

A silence installed itself as you looked into each other's eyes. The sunset light illuminating your faces, his arms were crossed and he looked pretty heartbroken, which pained you to no end. A million things come to your mind and yet you didn't seem to know what to say to him, so you went with what was true to you, what was always there.

"I love you..." You say with as much love as you can put into words.

"Yeah, but-" He didn't seem content with your words and you look at him puzzled.

"But WHAT?!" You question as your heart beats fast and you stand uneasily in front of him.

"Just saying, it would be only fair that you had some love for me. After all, we've known each other for ages and we had a great relationship, for the most part. I know you care for me and that's what love means and I appreciate that, but that's not enough for me" He shrugged and you stand in shock.