Rule #6 Everything is okaY

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Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting when I auditioned for this show. I'm sixteen and there's not much ahead of me. Sure, I get good grades and have made a couple of friends through the years, but I've never been someone... I don't know if I will ever be someone. But, at the same time, I don't think I want to be someone.

I don't like to think of myself as lazy... maybe timid? Though, people say my personality doesn't seem to allow me to fit that term. "A timid person would never be so sarcastic!" So? I say it how it is.

Also, should probably clear the air, I lied on my audition tape. Am I smart? Yeah, I am. Am I likable enough to get elected as class president? Now that's a different story. Plus, that requires a lot of work... not that I can't do the work, I'd just rather be doing something I care more about, like reading. I brought a couple to the island with me just in case I made it to the finale, but I didn't expect such thick books to be read in days. I guess that's what happens when the host ditches you and leaves you stranded on the island for god knows how long.

I guess I've made a couple friends here as well. There's Owen I guess, but I think part of the reason why we're close is because we were assigned the same team before the show fell apart. But then again, Justin and Trent were also on my team, and they both just rubbed me the wrong way. They've never said anything bad in particular, but they're just a little too... eh. The only other male team member is Cody, and the two of us haven't really talked since we stayed up late talking, and woke up cuddling. Some of the guys came in the morning after and started ripping on us, which is immature to say the least, but before you consider doing it too, no I'm not gay, I just... had a nightmare. That should be enough of an explanation.

I've also befriended a couple of the girls, like Izzy and Eva. Eva is extremely respectable, and crazy intimidating to the other team mates. She also feels my vibe out. She knows when to take a hint or when I'm open for conversation. Izzy is the opposite, but part of why we're friends is her fascination with Owen, since Owen and I befriended each other first. Makes me wonder if she ever met a fat person... She has no sense of personal space, but you can tell she would do anything for the people she cares about. And I'm not kidding when I say she would do absolutely anything.

Either way, it is now night 20 on the island, or 18 since the killings started. Geoff started a fire in the center of the cabin area, and the group is just sitting around talking. Beth's death is still fresh on our brains, but honestly, it seems to have become numb to a handful of us. The killer hasn't done much that's too grotesque... besides rip Beth's braces off, seemingly while she was still alive... and hide Ezekiel's body parts around the island (yes, we still haven't found all of it yet)... and shave Justin's face off... and I suppose Sadie's death was awfully rough on Katie's part... but it's not like they've whipped out medieval torture methods or something. Now THOSE would scare me.

At the moment, I'm rereading a book with a bunch of Edgar Allan Poe poems and short stories. Gwen and I discussed it for hours after I finished it the first time a couple weeks back. Cody tried to join in on the conversation, presumably to impress her, but once he realized how dark some of them were, he ran off.

Trent is off playing the guitar, stealing most of the attention of the campers. I think Geoff and Bridgette are making out in the Killer Bass cabin, which would explain why all the guys are staying far from the room.

I was currently reading Poe's "Spirits of the Dead":

"Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid dark thoughts of the gray tombstone—
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy.

"Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness—for then
The spirits of the dead who stood
In life before thee are again
In death around thee—and their will
Shall overshadow thee: be still.

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