The Forbidden Love

Tragic Dream

It all started back then during the summer break. I was kind of bored, just like always, I got nothing to do. No school, no work, nothing, just chilling and all I did was probably reading.I used to read books all day long without a break, scroll my phone for hours and go to sleep really late. All I remember is how sunny that day was and when this person came into my life, everything has changed, somehow I thought it's going to be a good phase, but then all out of the sudden, everything turned upside down, but I managed to keep myself alive and kept my hopes up for a better situation. I was still under a lot of pain, I lost my friend due to an accident, which I could hardly process. All I felt was sadness and a sharp pain inside my chest. I was completely numb, I wanted to end my life, but my thoughts kept me away from it.I asked myself the questions over and over again 'Why is the life so cruel and takes important people away from you? What's the point of that?'. I guess with that young brain I had back then, I would have never guessed it, but now when I think about it, I slowly start to understand the whole situation.

I just came back from my best vacation ever, I wished it lasted longer, because at least that helped me to distract myself from all the bad habits, such as self-harm, crying myself to sleep. I still remained the same. I thought it is never going away, I'm never getting over it. Unfortunately I don't have a perfect relationship with my parents. They never seemed to care about me nor how I felt. I would get blamed for every small thing existing, even for the way I react when they would hurt me. They treated me badly and no one would realise it. It made the situation so much worse. My mom wished every day that I never existed. I would regret every single minute I spent in life. Soon I started to get over with everything and I was enjoying my summer break, as usually I was sitting in my room, thinking what kind of creative activity could I do such in weather. I don't know where the idea came from, but I took my phone, I started scrolling down on my device, through social media, there was an app that was suggested to me, there were a lot of positive feedback written down, so I ended up finding the name of the app. I thought it would be fun to make new friends, so I decided to download it and see what happens next. I got a few requests from random people, I accepted those, but all of them were too pressing on me, I was still trying to heal from things I could barely handle and I didn't feel comfortable at all, so I stopped using the app for a while. I went back to do something creative. I ended up doing my hobby which was at the moment drawing and art, I loved doing that while listening to music,it gave me such a beautiful and peaceful feeling, I still remember the first time I was doing that to help myself, to help my heart heal faster. All I was doing during the days were waking up, reading, turning on some music, cooking and drawing. In fact doing all my hobbies all in once made the days pass by so fast, that I would forget about what day it was actually. I loved cooking too, it gave me a feeling that is indescribable, I felt such a whole when I was doing. I grabbed every single chance I had, so did I do that day. The night came pretty quickly and I found myself thinking about using the app again, but before I could've decided, I fell into a deep sleep. Week after week passed by and I ended up checking the app I had. I saw a request from this guy, but I stopped for a second and I asked myself the questions 'Is it going to be worth?' 'Is he going to be same as the others were?'. For a few days, I would ignore the requests thinking about the possibilities. I would stay up all night, listening to music while laying in bed and just thinking about what I should do. I didn't get my answer that night, but I kept on daydreaming. In the morning when I would wake up, I would check my phone, still trying to process what has happened before. I got on the app and saw a lot of requests. I would spend minutes on it, just analysing people. At the end, I accepted 1 guy. He would add me on snapchat and I would talk for hours by now. That's exactly what has happened.

'Heyy, are you the girl from the app?' - he asked so innocently.

'OHH, YES I AM, NICE TO MEET YOU!'- I replied back with excitement and happiness in my heart and thought this was after all worth it.