relying on love -Tom Kaulitz

stranger.

...

I sat down to dinner, this man's house was huge. He definitely had a thing for creeping things clean... I stayed in my room for the remainder of that day till now. If I was being honest I had no apitite at all, I felt trapped. All my hopes and dreams felt as if they were disappearing in front of me as was my freedom. I felt a precence behind me, no. To the side of me, now in front of me but as I looked up no one was there, no Mathieu, no Tom. No nobody I stood in the dining room completely alone. The house fell silent, I could hear everyone's every thought.

A bang of the door closing behind me as Mathieu finally turned up, walking up to me and wrapping his arms around me, I felt my body go numb to his touch. I didn't want to feel his hands over my body. It made my head spin and my stomach sick. But I didn't show it, it's better to just do as I'm told right? That's always everyone's advice at least, well it was complete bullshit. If I had the energy to fight the shit out of him I would, but my mind was stuffed to the brim with everything but fighting against anyone any time soon.

My heart felt more empty the longer he held me and swayed me in his arms, his head berried in my neck. My arms dangled by my side all nerves cut off from the rest of my body. He let me go, irritation and disappointment apparent in his face as he sighed and walked past me. Sitting down at his highly expensive yet uncomfortable dining chair. I sat on the other side, as we awaited for the food to arrive.

He didn't even bother to glare at me, yet that once smug smile was wiped clean. It seems it was only for show, and as much as I wanted to start a conversation to brake this awkward, dreadful silence. I didn't want him to find out about my presence, I felt invisible. Naked in a room full of people, and yet no one cared. As if it were normal, I missed it. The protective feel of someone keeping an eye on me. On Tom keeping an eye in me, always knowing where I am incase I get in trouble.. Where was he now.

"Where is this food!" Mathieu yelled causing my body to shiver uncomfortably by only the sound of his voice made me want to run, and hide far away from where I am now. His voice only being heard in a childhood nightmare that'd always haunt you. A young lady instantly came running into the room, she ran over to Mathieu and whispered something in his ear, I couldn't make out what she said, he then grabbed her face making her look at him before responding to her whispers "I don't care, hurry the fuck up."

Spoiled and rude, just how I imagined him. He finally looked over to me, his smile rising ear to ear yet again. "Dinner will be on it's way my sweetest" my ears rang as he spoke. It felt like a nonstop headache whenever he was around, "I'm not hungry" I spoke with a straight face. I wanted him to know how uninterested I was in him, maybe it would put him off and he'd let me go. He sat still , he looked calm his smile not moving an inch "suit yourself.." we just sat in silence till his food arrived.

My eyes didn't look away from the floor,I hadn't even been with this man for longer than a day and I already dreaded and regretted every second of it. I should have ran away, instead of going to that god damn bar and getting drunk. I should've known better.. Maybe I can think of some way to escape, to get out of here. I'll act nice, find the way out and when he isn't looking I'll run. Back to my hotel room, I'll get my money and get the fuck out of the country, away from Mathieu, away from Tom, away from any family or friends have, maybe then ill finally be free.

"what are you thinking of Jen?"I looked up at him, almost forgetting he was here. I thought of a response, he had money. He looked like he liked spending it.. "I was just thinking of afue things I have back at home.. They cost a decent amount, I was wondering what's happened to them is all." I let my voice fall calmer than before, if he let's me out of the house with him to go shopping I'd know the erea better.. He patted around his mouth with a napkin "well, I suppose if you're good I can rebuy you those things.." I looked at him with just a wide smile as he always had and nodded "thank you, that would be nice." he gave me a confused look, I panicked, did he know what I was planning already.