relying on love -Tom Kaulitz

snowflake.

...

"yes father." I found myself saying that a lot since I've lived here, it's basically the only thing I have said, afue days ago I got a job at some IT tech place.. I felt empty, no matter what I was doing, everything in my life was boring, I hasn't called Tom, but I didn't stop thinking about him. I just couldn't, I missed him, I missed his touch. His warm body holding mine..

I was sat downstairs in the living room on the sofa, looking out the window as snow fell form the sky, it was December.. Christmas was soon and iw as not excited. It wasn't heavy snow, only now settling on the floor, it was so warm in the house but I wanted nothing more than to be sitting outside, the coldness soothing my body as it goes numb in the bueatiful white cold rain drops as they fall onto me, dancing around my body in no such rhythm.

I closed my eyes, the silance of the house taking over my mind as I day dreamed, I wouldn't be able to say what about. Because I didn't know really, I was thinking of everything, yet my mind was completely blank. Christmas was one of Bill and Georgs favroute time of the year. I wondered how they would be celebrating, if they would visit family, or with each other, or maybe even alone..

"Jenie!" Harson called for me as he walked into the room, I turned, giving him my attention as he passed me the house phone. "Some guy is calling for you?" I gave him no reaction, I didn't want contact with anyone. But I knew who it was. "tell him I don't want to talk" I said smiling politely as he nodded and left again telling the person on the phone I was busy, I heard him on the other side, his voice rasing as did his temper "busy?! Tell her it's Tom, please I need to talk to her." his voice drifted away with the phone but my disere to see him grew every day, but I didn't need him, I had my real... family.

I got up off the sofa and walked into the kitchen, meeting my mother who was sat on a stool reading with a coffee on the counter in front of her, she didn't show nay attention to me as I opened the fridge, grabbing some water, closing it and turning to her. "mother," I said, trying to get a word out of her. I wasn't successful. But when I said it again "moth-" I got cut of by a loud annoyed voice that I had always recognised as hers "don't you have homework to do Jeneane!" not even showing a glance a si looked down at my feet, talking again. Quieter this time. "I don't go to school anymore mother." she glared at me, like she had broken out of a loop that had been controlling her. Out of place.

"well, just go do something. I'm busy can't you observe?" she turned back to her book, and I left the room. Never had I felt so alone in my home, I walked up the stairs. Memories flooding my mind, it had always been like this, was I no longer used to the feeling that before I had nothing but hopes, dreams and wishes that I would brake out of. That same loop I had been stuck in, that this house freezes in place for all to feel when just entering. Making it up to my room, my days spent hybernating.

My phone, constantly buzzing, turned over I could still sense who It was. I didn't want to turn it off, knowing he hadn't forgotten about me made my heart shake, collapsing onto my bed as I gripped my phone, staring at the multiple "pick up Jen. its important." notifications staring right back at me. I couldn't, I couldn't bear the sound of his voice posining my brain. Bombarding my parents work phones trying to get hold of me, it was almost pethetic, but I couldn't help fonder over his want to speak to me, even if I didn't truley know why.

But that feeling, those feeling I left behind in Germany that slowly trailed back with me needed to dissolve the way I wanted them too, I blocked his number, the last message he sent being "Jen, if you don't answer I will find you." he was bluffing, I didn't want him to. So why would he? My dad apaeared in my doorway, making me jump slightly, he had a wide smile as I looked at him with a confused glare.

"how are you feeling father?" I sat on the edge of my bed as he started laughing, a deep growl like laugh before responding with the only sense of joy I heard in century's "I've invited an old friend of mine round, you and him must talk again." and without explanation he left, walking into his office and locking the door. I thought nothing of it as I spent the rest of my day watch junk TV, because what else was I supposed to do, life after being around Tom, well it was just boring.