You and I

CHAPTER 37

MANIK

I hugged Nandini to get some peace, to relax myself, to assure myself that she was there for me. That I was not alone. She was slowly ruffling my hairs. I just wanted to lock that moment forever. Nandini is my peace.

Since Dad's death, things have been very difficult for Mom. But it's like she's becoming someone else only now. She's changed, a lot.

"Mom has left for Delhi. She's not talked to me since then."

"What? When did this happen? And how did this happen?"

"Nani came a day after Dad's funeral. The day I joined back college. She persuaded Mom to leave all this and go to Delhi with her. Mom agreed. Just like that. She knew I can't leave Mumbai. College won't allow a transfer for me, since I'm in college's sports team. And plus, Dad's business was here. She just left. Left me. She hasn't called since then, and whenever I call her, she declines my call.

"You know what did she message me today? Before coming here? I had called her, to check on her. She declined it again. And then texted me to stop calling her. If she feels like then she'll call me herself. But she didn't want to stay with me or have a contact with me for now, because I remind her of Dad and what she has lost. What about me? Is it so easy for her to just go to another place and forget it all? I not only lost my Dad, but it feels like I lost Mom too.

"Mom didn't want to do anything with Malhotra Industries. So Sahil Uncle suggested that I should join office. That he'll help me out and when I'm capable enough then I'll come up on Dad's post. I agreed because I don't want Dad's work to go in vain. He had worked hard for that company. I could do everything. Anything and everything if Mom was by my side, but her message?

"You know I even called Nani after her message, that why is Mom speaking like that, is she okay? If she wants to stay there, she can but why is she cutting me off from her life. You know what she told me? That I'm my father's son. I'm just like him so she'll keep her daughter away from me and Dad's memories, that it all brought negativity in her life. I don't give a shit what she thinks of me but Mom? How can she leave me? I know Nani is manipulating her, but what about her? My Mom who used to fuss over my food habits, has not just left me alone, to fend for myself. She always used to take extra care of my diet when I had a game. What about tomorrow? I'll be playing again for the first time after Dad's gone, and even she's not there. Did I do something wrong to deserve all this? It must be me only. I used to behave like a brat maybe that's why it's all happening. I'm a monster and monsters don't deserve any good in their lives. I -"

"Manik!" she cut me off. "Breathe okay. Don't think that way. You're not a monster, you can never be a monster," she said wiping the tears that escaped my eyes. "Everything will be alright. Aunty is just grieving. And when in grief, we do things what we never could have imagined doing when we were alright. Give it time. She'll come around."

"Does she not care about me?"

"No Manik, it's not that. She does. She does care for you."

"Yeah, but just not enough right? Right. No one does. I'm all alone."

"I do. How can you think that way? I'm here for you. And I'll always be here. You're not alone. You'll never be alone. It's tough for Aunty accepting Uncle's death. He was her soulmate. Living in that house with his memories won't be easy for her. But that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you Manik. You just wait and watch. Everything will fall back in place. She'll come around. I know she will. Because she loves you. Never think that you're alone. Never ever."

I hugged her tightly. Amongst everything that's changing around me, she's my only constant. I can't lose her. I won't lose her. Not now. Not ever. I fucked up everything in my life, but I forbid myself to do anything that'll make me cost her. I can't afford that. I just can't.

After spending some time over with Nandini, I returned back home. I had to make some presentation for the upcoming project. If we get the deal in this one, then Sahil Uncle told me that he'll make me the head of team for the international project we have to work on. It will be a big one, and bagging that deal would make Dad super proud.

This house, which was once filled with life, now stands barren. Without Mom here, I don't even feel like returning to this place. But I had to keep my hopes up as Nandini said. Maybe she's just grieving Dad's death, and once she has come out of it, she'll come back to me. I headed towards the kitchen to make myself a cup of black coffee, when I saw Kaka waiting for me at the dining table.

"Baba, you came. I've cooked dinner for you. Come, sit. I'll just bring it for you."

"Kaka why did you take this trouble? I told you na, you can go back to your home till Mom comes back. I'll manage on my own till then."

"Aise kaise Manik Baba. You're working so hard. You need proper care. Had Raj Sahab been alive, he would have been very proud of you the way you're handling everything."

I just smiled at him and took a seat.

After dinner, I started working on the presentation. I didn't realize how late it got. By the time I was finished, it was already 4 in the morning. I laid down on the bed to get some rest. But as I did, my thoughts went towards Nandini.

She was like a shining star in my life. Always there for me, to calm me, to be there for me. She was my strength. Slowly and gradually, she's becoming my lifeline. I can't imagine my life without her. She'd entered in my life when I needed her the most. I'd never expected that I'll get someone like her. But now that I had her, I wasn't sure how I'd made this long without her. I don't know what name should I give to my feelings for her. I'm too scared to completely understand it. But for now, I know that there is no Manik without Nandini in his life.

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