You and I

CHAPTER 20

MANIK

It was game day. I used to love Fridays during football season. Dad would always wake me up, and we'd eat breakfast together while we talked over the plays and what I needed to do to up my game.

This morning, I'd woken to a clutter of dishes in the kitchen. I'd jumped up and run down the hall to find Mom standing in the middle of a pile of broken plates. Tears had been streaming down her face as she'd looked up at me. "I was trying..." she sniffed. "to make you breakfast. I couldn't reach the top shelf. Your Dad always reached the waffle iron for me. I slipped and pulled the second shelf down with me." Another sob had shaken her chest.

I went over and pulled her in a hug. "Mom, go back in there and be with Dad. I can make my own breakfast. I'll clean all this up. He needs you with him."

She nodded against my chest and sobbed again.

This was how my day started.

Getting to school and seeing Nandini was all I thought about as I kissed Mom's cheek while saying goodbye and then kissed my Dad's forehead promising him a win. I'd tell him all about it when I got home.

My chest hurt, and my throat felt tight. But I knew if I could see Nandini, if I could hear her voice, I'd be okay. Calling her wasn't an option because she would be in Abhi's car right now. So I had to get her and get her alone this morning. Before I completely broke down.

Abhi's car was parked outside college as I got there. Never had I been more thankful to see it in my life. I didn't waste any time talking to people who called out my name. I had to get to my locker. To Nandini.

When I saw the back of her hair, my chest eased some. She was here. I was focused on her as I made my way through the crowd, needing to remind myself that I could do this. I could make it through this. Nandini was there with me.

"Hey," I said almost breathlessly as I got to our lockers. I waited for her to turn and look at me. It was odd that how just the promise of seeing her made things seem better.

She closed her locker and then turned to face me. The smile on her lips slowly fell as she took in my face. She knew. Without me saying a word, she understood that I was dealing with some shit. That was something I needed from her. Her understanding without me having to explain.

Her hand slid over mine as she stared up at me with a gentle strength that was just Nandini. I flipped my hand over and threaded my fingers through hers. Then she squeezed my hand tightly even though it dwarfed her small one. "I'm here," she whispered, barely moving her lips.

That was what I needed. The tightness in my chest eased away, and I could breathe deeply again. "Bad morning," I explained, although she already figured that out.

She nodded and her thumb brushed against my hand. I liked the way it felt to have her palm pressed against mine. Everything I doubted about myself, about my ability to deal with this, about life - she cleared it all away with just one touch.

"Good morning, bro" Vihaan's voice broke the spell that had been wrapping around us, and Nandini's hand instantly slipped away from mine. She moved away from me before I could say anything, and then she slipped past me through the crowd.

"I have some good news. I got B fucking plus in my paper, and I'm not getting benched. Just saw the result on mail. Man I'm so relieved." I smiled at him and said, "Good job man. We couldn't deal it if you were benched at last moment. What about Aryaman?" I talked to him pretty nicely even though I was pissed at him for interrupting my time with Nandini. I didn't get much time with her through out the day. If I was going to play tonight, I needed her to keep my head right.

"Don't know yaar. I'll just go and check on him." And with that he walked away.

I was moving towards my first class when I met Abhi.

"Just heard the news that Vihaan is not being benched. Any clue on Aryaman?" I asked him.

"No, but I think he'll make it through. He did better than Vihaan in his paper. So I guess we have our team back on track."

I nodded and was going to walk away when he again called out to me.

"Manik, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Yeah?"

"You're going through hell right now. I want to help you, but I don't know how. The person you want to help you has been through her own hell. You're my best friend Manik. I can't imagine what you're dealing with. But I know that Nandini is broken. She is not like the girls we are surrounded with that take everything casually. She's been through a lot. And she did all that alone. She has still not recovered from that trauma totally but she is trying to come out of it. The way you behave with her? I honestly didn't expect you to go so soft. It's like watching a version of Manik we never knew existed. I don't want her getting hurt Manik. Look, I just wanted to say that if you want to have something with her, then go full in, otherwise keep this platonic. All this secretly holding hands and brushing her hairs, don't do that if you won't go all the way. I won't have a problem if you guys turn out to have something more than friendship, because these few days I've seen you both. You treat her good. So if you have feelings for her, I'm not gonna be in your way now. But if you don't, then draw a line. Because I know for a fact, that she is developing some for you, even if she hasn't realized herself yet. Just... Just don't hurt her Manik."

I was dumbfounded. She could have feelings for me? How? What did she see in me?

I was so shocked I couldn't form words. I barely managed to speak, "How?"

"As I said, she may not have realized them, but you guys are so not platonic. I just wanted to tell you that I won't have a problem if you guys get together. But first, I wanted to ask you so that I may not be seeing too much into it. You do have something for her right?"

"I do. But she deserves someone better. Not me who's emotional and messed up. She deserves the best Abhi, and I'm not sure if I'm that for her. She's too good for me. I'm a monster."

He just smiled and said, "You're being too hard on yourself. You're messed up but so is she. Maybe you both can heal each other. Right?"

With that he walked away.

Could I be the man Nandini deserves? Does she have feelings for me too? Lots of questions were roaming in my head. I decided that I'll do whatever feels right and then let the chips fall where they may. I'll go slow and see her reactions. If she has feelings for me then great. If not, then I'll retreat back.

Yes, that's the best decision for now. 

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