Sophomore Diaries: Diary of an Ugly Girl, Diary of a Once Popular Boy

8

You remember the Baby sitters' club book series? Those girls should be given awards. They're heroines. Children are one of the worst set of people a normal human being can relate with. They are diabolical and devious, yet you're not allowed to seek retribution when wronged "Because they're babies."
Why am I talking about babies? Because I was forced to chaperone them. You know what? I think I'll start this story from the beginning.
A week after we finished performing our most important task (you know, scrubbing the restroom) and almost lost my life in the process, I was still angry. I'd been handed a raw deal! A picture of me scrubbing floors wouldn't help me get my popularity back (I'm not Cinder or Cinderel, y'know).
That day, Ms.Grumpy invited me, Solar and Virtue over for another important task.
"What do you want us to do this time? Clean your dog's poop?" I asked.
"Your attempt at sarcasm is not appreciated, Beau." Ms.Grumpy said.
"So, do we get the t-shirts?" I asked.
She glared at me and ignored my question.
"Like I said, today, you three have an important task; one of our long-time donors is throwing a birthday party for her five year-old son and needs chaperones. So, I volunteered you three." She smiled.
Solar and Virtue smiled back, but I was having none of it.
"So, again, someone is trying to cut costs and ends up exploiting volunteers. How are you two blind to this? When are we going to get real tasks?" I fumed.
"Never, if you continue being insolent." Ms.Grumpy threatened.
"Don't listen to him, Ms." Virtue said and Solar nodded.
"Fine. Let's go." I said.
"Not yet, Beau. You have the most important task of all." Ms.Grumpy smiled.
Her statement set off alarm bells in my head.
* * *
I was right to be alarmed! Do you know what the most important task was? Getting into a live sized teddy bear suit that reeked of fish.
Of course, I protested. Why was I the one to wear it? (I suspect Ms.Grumpy doesn't like me. I wonder why?)
She said that it was because the suit was too large for Virtue or Solar.
So, I got into the suit, and off we went.
At the party, many children were running around, crying and shouting on top of their voices.
Immediately the children saw me, they ran to me, chanting "Mr.Teddy! Mr.Teddy!"
What can I say? Children recognized charisma even when it was cloaked.
Or so I thought. These children tackled me and started hitting me and kicking me. Some even sat on me, immobilizing me.
"Help! Help!" I screamed. My life flashed before my eyes. What would they write on my headstone? Killed by Children?
Solar helped get the little hellions off me while Virtue laughed until she shed tears.
I stood up and I raged at her, "Why didn't you help me up?!"
"It's no less than you deserve." She said, not backing down.
"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked angrily.
"You're my problem." She replied, getting in my face.
"Oooookay, people. Don't fight in front of the kids." Solar whispered to us.
We turned and noticed that the rambunctious children were now quiet, looking at us with wide-eyed rapt attention.
The hostess of the party, whose son was the celebrant walked up to us, "Hi, I'm sorry these kids are a handful. Let's get to work." She said.
After an hour of dancing, acting goofy, carrying children and taking pictures with them, I felt like I was suffocating in the suit.
I walked over to the hostess, "Ma'am, I need to take this off."
"No way! These kids actually believe you're Mr.Teddy. Taking off the suit will kill their dreams." She gushed.
"Well, if I don't take it off, I'll kill myself. I'll choose myself over some children's dreams anyway." I replied harshly.
"Whatever. You know what? Let me get a picture of you and my cutie pie Jason, then you can take off the suit. Jason! Jaaaaaason!" She called out.
Jason came bounding over with a face covered in icing. He hugged my legs, "Mr.Teggy!"
"Oh no! I forgot my phone. Could you please hold him while I retrieve it?" She asked and left before I could reply.
"Mr.Teggy!" Jason called again.
I sighed and stooped to his height, "It's Mr.Teddy. Teddy. T-e-d-d-y." I corrected.
"Teggy!" he shouted again.
"Teddy. D not G." I explained.
"Teggy." He persisted.
"Fuck!" I said angrily, giving up.
His mother came back, "I've got it!" she said, flashing the phone.
"Fuck!" Jason repeated loudly. My eyes widened. His mother looked as surprised as I was.
"Honey, who taught you that word?" She asked sweetly.
"Mr. Teggy!" Jason pointed at me.
I tried to defend myself, "I'm Mr.Teddy. He must be talking about someone else. Do you know anybody who answers Te-"
I was interrupted by her impassioned words, "If you teach my son any more curse words, I'll kill you."
"Now, carry him." She said cheerfully and held up her phone to take pictures.
I did as I was told.
"Smile, Jason." She said as she started taking pictures.
After taking a dozen pictures, I felt tired. Jason weighed a lot. I told his mother and her only response was, "Just a few more."
I decided to endure his weight. Soon after, I noticed that Jason was looking nauseous.
"Jason, smile." She commanded.
Next thing I knew, Jason puked all over my suit.
"That's disgusting." I said.
His mother hurried over, but not fast enough. Jason hit me with another round. When he was through, he burst into tears.
Why? Why would he cry? If there was anyone who was supposed to cry, it was me. After all, I was the one in a smelly teddy suit and who had been vomited on.
One good thing came out of the mess; I took off the teddy bear suit PERMANENTLY. Miracles still exist.
Jason's mother came over with a carton of juice and a huge slice of cake.
"I've put you through a lot. You deserve it." She handed them over to me and I took the food eagerly. Yes, I'd earned it.
I was savoring the epicurean delights when a little girl walked over to me and began to stare at me like she'd never seen me before.
I ignored her, but after a while, it became disconcerting.
"Hi, what do you want?" I asked.
I received no response.
"Hello." I said. At that moment, I noticed that she was fixated on my cake. Too bad, because I wasn't about to hand it over to her. She'd probably already eaten some cake while I was suffering in the suit.
I wolfed down the last of my cake and juice and smiled at her.
Next thing I knew, she let out a wail and started crying earnestly.
"What did you do now?!" Jason's mother shouted from where she was. Even Solar and Virtue glared at me.
Oh sure! Blame the adult. After all, a wee tot can do no harm.
Believe it or not, after the party, I started considering not having any children. Those little terrors can ruin your life!