Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ Down Memory Lane જ ☾Carmi☽

Book Title: Down Memory Lane

Author: sparklingauthoress

Reviewer: Read-aholic2006
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(NOTE: This review is only based on the first nine chapters. )
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Title: 5/5

Your title easily represents the main storyline of your book, highlighting the theme of remembrance.

Cover: 5/5

The title's font is legible and sharp. The picture of the cabin is both magical and mysterious, such a captivating image. My only suggestion is to increase the size of the quote at the top of the cover to enhance readability.

Blurb: 5/5

I love your blurb. Although I would tweak a few phrases, it's very intriguing and provides readers with a detailed outline of the plot.

Creativity/Originality: 5/5

I find this specific story to be very interesting because it doesn't focus on the typical time traveling trope. Instead it revolves around memories. Yes, Clara is dragged back into her past, but there are certain details that do not line up with what had actually happened. There are so many aspects to this book that make it stand out and that emphasize your creativity.

Plot/Flow: 9/10

You started off strong with your story and immediately painted the setting for your readers. In terms of pacing, you've hit the nail on the head. There's already so much drama and tension in your first and second chapters, both saturated with a few shocking revelations and heavy emotions. Clara feels somewhat betrayed by her household because they lied to her about her mom. She doesn't like her stepmother one bit. And there is a slight rift between her and Tony, who mostly feels abandoned by his older sister.

Your situation building is clever and exciting: Clara is afraid that if she tells anyone else about what happened to her, they'd be harmed in some way (due to the terrible incident with Mrs. Morris) or may not even believe her. But on the other hand, if she keeps everything to herself, then she may just drive herself insane. She does end up telling Kai about her situation, though. I don't know how he's going to help her or how Mariana could play a role in assisting Clara, but it's interesting to see how you shift all the various puzzle pieces into place. Your intricate plot is very intriguing and each chapter leaves me with a series of new questions.

However, there are some details in your narration that you would have to revisit. In one of your chapters, Kai suddenly bursts into the art room, frantically searching for Clara, after which the two of them share a wonderful kiss. Problem is, they'd never admitted how they felt about each other, so why would they randomly lock lips? Also, Clara keeps mentioning that they only started dating at the start of 11th grade, yet they're already acting like a proper couple.

Characters: 8/10

I don't have detailed profiles of all your characters to draw up solid summaries about them, but you've worked up a satisfactory cast of characters. We can pick up on Kai's caring and understanding nature just by the way he treats Clara. I also noticed that Rhys has a very jocular personality.

You once described Naomi as being "playful and carefree", but I have yet to see those qualities shine through her speech and/or actions. At first, Lilly emanated "mean girl" vibes until you clarified what happened between her and Clara. Your lack of physical descriptions disconnects readers from the characters. I don't even have a vague idea of what Clara looks like. And if you had described her before, then I suggest you start steadily weaving in more details regarding her appearance so readers don't form an inaccurate image of her in their minds.

Writing style/grammar: 5/10

Your grammatical errors aren't excessive but include the wrong word order and the incorrect use of a semicolon. There were times in which you omitted words or left a sentence incomplete. I advise you to avoid doubling your punctuation marks, so instead of using two consecutive exclamation marks, just use one.

Your imagery—personification, similes and metaphors—is undeniably beautiful, but I did find some of your descriptions to be heavily comma-ridden. Your sentences should sound natural and fluid.

Also, try not to include overused descriptions in your narration. There are many different ways to word a simple sentence. So, instead of writing, "The air around the table turned thick and one could cut the tension with a knife," you can write, "The atmosphere suddenly shifted to one of discomfort; the tension was almost tangible."

Here's another example:

The feeling was electric, a tender touch that sent a mixture of shivers and tingles down my spine. The scent of his cologne filled my nostrils, making my head spin. I forgot everything else at that moment, the voices and questions in my head fading away as I lost myself in the kiss.

The extract above could be revised to read as follows:

The feeling was electric. His tender mouth sent a series of shivers and tingles crawling down my spine. The scent of his cologne enveloped my nose, tossing my head into a sea of blissful disorientation. In that moment, everything around me was forgotten; the voices and questions in my mind faded into oblivion as I lost myself in the kiss.

Genre relevance: 5/5

Your plot had dutifully clung to the relevant genres (mainly YA and fantasy).

Reading enjoyment: 7/10

My favourite part of your story is the mystery factor. To be honest, it was the only thing that kept me hooked. Despite your captivating storyline and different characters, you still need to work on your grammar and imagery.

Overall thoughts and extra comments: 54/65

Your story is so well-thought-out and creative. There's always room for improvement, especially when it comes to refining your descriptions.

I haven't read the rest of your book to draw up a firm conclusion, but when I have enough time, I'd be sure to reacquaint myself with this beautiful work of literature. Keep it up.

Have a wonderful day!