MY MISTAKE (MINE SERIES #1)

37. SHARVARI

There are moments in your life that you know you will remember forever. No matter how hard you tried you can't runaway from memories. I know this because I'm suffering. Its been two months since my whole world crashed down and never a day goes by when I didn't dream of him. I always wake up at night only to realise that I'm all alone in my house.

After coming here I bought a small house for myself. In the first week I gave all of my time in decorating this house in hope that this will engage my mind. But at night his dreams never left me alone. Few days later I started teaching self defence classes to girls in a studio near my house. The owner was a old lady whom I met when I was wandering aimlessly in the streets. I accepted her offer immediately as this will keep me busy. I often call Maa because I miss her so much. She never ask me about what happened and never name of him. I even talk with Shiv sometimes. I may have left India but my heart was still there in that house.

I'm doing my morning run when I hear my phone ringing. I pull out to see Sarthak is calling me. I accept the call and greets him.

"Hey Sarth. What's up?"

"You should come here Sharvari. You don't have to be alone." He says the same thing which he said earlier.

"I'm fine. You know I don't need emotional support. I'm happy here in my life."

"What's happening with you?"

"I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself." I breath harshly.

"You're yours mother warrior. Remember this always." He says before the lines goes dead.

I run as fast as I can for 30 minutes before going back to my house. I take a shower and slumps down against the wall. The pain is so much hurting in my heart. Why me always? Even though they say that time heals all wounds the scars are still fucking there. I can't forget what happened. I can't forget how I felt.

I get dressed and left the house with my bag. I stopped applying lipstick or wearing anything red. It reminds me of him. How he used to praise me like I'm worthy of his love. I don't hate him for not loving me. I hate him for pretending that he loved me. For giving me a hope of happy future only to shatter it. I take deep breaths and chant my mantra. He is not worth you anger Sharvari. You are much stronger than this. Stay strong.

"Hey kids? You all ready" I greet the girls before taking my position.

"YES!!!" they all reply excitedly.

"Okay so whenever someone comes from front stabilise yourself as best as you can. Then lift your dominant leg like this and drive your knee upward." I show them how to kick in the groin region as this will paralyze the attacker most quickly. They all followed the instructions and practise doing this.

"Remember you have to keep yourself rigid. You can't risk falling in the process."

I take the class for 2 hours and then everyone left studio. I go downstairs to the gym to do some workout for myself. This is a small gym but have basic equipment. I chose to do bench press for today. As I'm doing my exercise I hear a voice.

"Hello Vari. Doing good?" Matt ask me.

Matt is a local who lives near the gym and owns a bar. I met her when he comes to pick up her daughter. Her daughter Sofy is one of my student. We often met each other in gym as he also likes gym. He calls me Vari as he can't pronounce my name correctly.

"Yupp. Fantastic." I reply after completing my workout.

"Want to grab a coffee?" he asks.

Matt is a lovely man whose wife died few years back. If he met me earlier I would surely take him up on his offer but I can't do this right now. I'm toxic at this moment and I don't want him to get hurt because of me.