𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯' - Hyunlix

Near you

Hyunjin pov

I spent all of first hour thinking about that interaction with Felix. It's been a difficult time without him. I know I messed things up. I know it's my fault, and I'll never forgive myself for it. But I want Felix to know that I never meant to hurt him. I love him. I knew that I wasn't deserving of his bright light, and yet I received nearly every ounce of it because he trusted me. And I was too stupid to realize it.

The phrase "you never know what you have till it's gone" is true. I knew Felix was an incredible person, but it wasn't until he left that I realized the soul I had. Someone who gave everything for the people he loves now probably can't trust a single soul. Realizing that I'd hurt him more than Chan did broke me. I hated him for hitting Felix. Come to find out, I was worse. He was happy. He felt home. And I ripped it away.

I've never been filled with such regret. I didn't want Felix to leave. I needed him in my life. The second I left the hospital, I threw away every last bit of remaining memories from my old relationship. I had to let go of the past. Whether it meant winning Felix back or not, I can't let it stand in the way anymore. I told my ex that we had to let it go and she wasn't very happy. She got angry and called me a bunch of names, but I knew I was making the right decision. Me and her ended for a reason. There was no point in changing that.

I'm not sure why I stayed in contact with her. I guess I held on to "what could be" and lost sight of what was in front of me. She was my first love, and I used to do anything for her, not realizing that it was toxic.

I know who I want now. But now I might never get it back. I felt like an idiot.

-
Seeing Felix in the hallway earlier made my heart stop and break at the same time. I knew from the way he looked at me that he was hurt. I knew he wasn't healing. I knew he wasn't asking for help. I knew he was slowly breaking. The blonde boy who once smiled everywhere he went and had a sparkle in his eyes, looked as if he was an introvert and as if he was hopeless. I just wanted to hug him right then and there, but he ran away. I knew why. I knew he doesn't want to see me. Seeing him only made me break even more.

I continued walking with my head down, feeling tears form but refusing to let them fall. I missed him. I missed his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his hugs, everything. He was everything I could've wanted. I wished that things could've just gone back to how they were. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid, we'd be alright.
—

I made my way to second period, mind still running from the events earlier. When I approached the hallway, I saw Felix. He was talking to someone I've never seen before. They were smiling and waving goodbye to each other before going into their classes a few doors away from each other. I felt envious. I wanted to be walking Felix to class, but I lost that privilege. Seeing him smile with someone new made me feel insecure and jealous.

I looked at my schedule and kept walking until I reached the classroom. As I walked, I saw Chan make his way by me. We looked at each other and he smirked.

"I knew you guys wouldn't last." He snickered and continued walking.

I stopped in my tracks and watched as he walked away, furious with his words. I knew he would take this time to taunt me about everything. My blood boiled at the thought of him trying to take Felix back in this time of our breakup. I decided to ignore his words for now and keep walking.

As I kept looking at the different door numbers, my heart stopped when I saw what class it was. Double checking the numbers and schedule, I felt my stomach flip after realizing this was the class Felix walked into. I stood there for a second, wondering if I even had the courage to be in the same class as him. Eventually, I took a deep breath and walked through the door.