ONLY ON CAMERA | JUDE BELLINGHAM

036.

— CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
❝LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.❞

— JUDE —

I DON'T know what just happened. The kiss. Harmony and I kissed. Willingly. And it wasn't even because we had to. It's because we wanted to. At least, I wanted to. I was the one that kissed her because i couldn't hold myself back anymore.

It's immediately awkward as soon as it's happened. She's not said a word and neither have I as we drive back to her house. We both get out, silently of course and walk to her door.

I watch her as she opens it. She's so beautiful in every way. Even when she's doing something so simple as opening the door.

She opens it and we both walk in. I'm trying to think of something to say to break this silence but my brains coming up short. All I can think about is that kiss. The one I've been craving for a while that I finally got.

My feelings are confused. I don't know how I feel to be honest. All I know is that I wanted to kiss her. I think, that maybe, I may have feelings for her. Just a little bit. Been trying to hide it from myself for a while. Not give into the fact that I can't take my eyes off her whenever she's around me. Or the fact that I've started missing her when she's not.

But now, today, after that kiss. I know. I know that I feel something towards her. Even if it's small. It's something. Which isn't good. Because that's not meant to happen.

I'm all in my head about everything as she turns on all of the lights. I'm sort of standing there lost, looking at her. She's in the kitchen. She turns to me as she grabs a water bottle.

Says nothing. I don't say anything either. We're just staring at each other. If I had things my way I'd run over there and kiss her again. But I can't.

"I'm...gonna go to bed." She says walking away from the kitchen towards me.

"Yeah, okay." I nod.

"Do you need anything? Blanket or pillow?" She's asks

"Blanket would be good."

"Okay I'll grab you one from my room." She says

"Thanks. You can leave it on the couch. I'm gonna go up and shower." I tell her.

She nods.

We both walk to the stairs.

"After you." I say pointing towards the stairs. She nods shooting me a thank you smile before walking up. I follow after, she goes to her room I go to the bathroom.

When I come back down, now in my pyjamas, the blankets been left on the couch. I smile looking at it.

I go to lay down but I'm restless. I can't sleep. She's on my mind. I sit up, leaned over the couch as I rub my face.

I stand up, pace around a little. Try to get her off my mind but it's literally impossible. It's harmony. How can she not be on my mind.

After I've paced around a good three four times I finally stop. Just like before, after the club when I dropped her home, I feel the same feeling as before. Something pulling me towards her.