"What if we get back together? Will it make everything better?" he said.
I stared at the words on my phone. It sort of felt like a dream. I've been waiting for him to say this for a long time.
But it's late. I was so disappointed in him, lost all hope.
I hesitated and thought for a few minutes.
I hated myself for doing all this, but I didn't anymore when I knew he was just blaming me and not solving any questions.
So disappointed.
"I don't know," I replied.
"Yeah, same. You know like, I just feel pain right now,"
It's funny how he can say this.
So disgusting.
"Mhm," I answered.
"Do you still love me?" Noah asked.
"In what way?"
"In any ways."
I loved him so much, but I really, what I can feel now is disgust.
"I love you, so much," I texted, "But I don't like you anymore."
"It's kinda weird, but I know the feeling,"
Ew.
"It's like you've been hurt for so much, but you still love that person, right?" he continued.
"Maybe," I said.
How can I love someone like this at the beginning?
I kept doubting myself.
For the first time, I wanted him to disappear from my life. I wanted to block him, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Do you know like, how I survived that two months? Not sleeping well every night? That's around 60 nights.
1 a.m., just fell asleep. And one hour before I woke up to school, which is 4 a.m., I woke up. I dreamt about him almost every day. Waking up from the dream, what I see is my dark room, I felt hopeless.
Almost every day like this, after waking up from the dream, I cried and cried, until I fall asleep again. The stress from my parents, the burden on myself.
I hated myself so much. I stopped eating breakfast and recess time in school. Even sometimes the whole day not eating too. Everyone was worried, but I said I'm just fine, till one day I had a stomachache. I knew that my body can't suffer this any longer.
Lightheaded, dizzy, and felt like vomiting out everything I ate.
Everything I've been through, now I think back, why am I doing all this? For a guy who isn't worth it? So stupid.
I should treat myself better, eat good food, work out, wear any outfits I want, and be confident with myself.
I should make a change.
YOU ARE READING
My Life: Tangled Hearts
Romance*prequel of My Life: Fading Flames* Because Jane's parents realized that she was dating a guy at school, both of them banned her from using her phone. She was out of her mind and decided to break up with her boyfriend, Noah. After a few months, Jane...
