The Knight in Leather Armor

ch.40 Three little words

“I think I need lessons,” I mumbled when I accidentally stepped on his foot again.

Harry grinned.

“I think Liam said his mom makes him take ballroom dance classes. Maybe he can teach me,” I teased. I didn’t mean a word of it, I was just trying to lighten my own mood, make it less difficult to tell Harry I had to leave him, but it didn’t come off that way to Harry.

He stopped dancing and kept a firm grip around my waist as he looked down into my eyes.  And an unruly and frightening anger possessed him.

“No. I won’t allow it,” he spoke back with an air of authority and determination.

“Harry I was only--”

He shook his head violently. I looked up at him with a slightly apologetic expression.

He kept his grip around my waist, making it virtually impossible for me to run to Liam. As if I was going to do that.

“Dancing gives a man an excuse to touch a woman,” he declared as if it were fact.

“I didn’t mean it, Harry. I’m sorry” I mumbled.  

Harry took a deep breath and sighed, calming himself down.

Then his dimpled grin appeared and I felt myself relax as well.

I moved a loose curl from over his eyes and eyed him suspiciously as another thought came to mind.

“Is that why I want me to dance with you?” I asked with a grin.

Harry laughed.

“That’s different” he replied with a wink.

Harry lifted me up slightly so that I stood on his shoes. He glided and spun around in circles and I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his chest.

“Isn’t she lovely?” he sang in a low raspy voice.

I rested my head against his neck, feeling the vibration of his Adam’s apple as he sang.

“Isn’t she wonderful?” he purred close to me ear.

I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Isn’t she precious?” he hissed seductively.

“Just 17 years old” he sang as he intertwined his fingers with mine.

“And I never thought that she’d want me, but I guess I’m just that damn lucky” he smiled with the hope of a thousand worlds.

I laughed slightly nervously as I remembered what I had to do and guilt cut through me like a butcher’s knife in butter.

For a moment, I just wanted to disappear against Harry’s chest. I wanted us both to disappear so that no one could find us or hurt us and we didn’t have to worry all the time. But that’s not how things work. That’s not how anything works.

“You’re lovely, Angela” he told me as he stroked my hair.

Then he twirled me around and around and with every twirl, I kept telling myself: after this, I’ll tell him, after this, after…

But Harry kept going and I was quiet and selfish and guilty.

Then,  he tripped on something and lost his balance. He fell back on the ground and I landed on top of him.

I started to get up, but he wrapped his arms around me, holding me over him.

“Harry” I laughed lightly as he nuzzled my neck with his nose.

“Escape me if you can” he winked as he pressed me to the ground gently. He leaned over me and started to kiss along my neck.

I pushed at his chest playfully.

“It’s not fair” I complained teasingly. “You’re too strong for me” I said as I tried to avoid his prodding fingers that tried to tickle me into place.

“Well then I guess I win” he smirked triumphantly.

Then he finally gave in and let me up.

We sat there on the red and white checkered cloth. Harry pulled me into his lap and leaned my head against his neck. I could feel his heart beating against my cheek and longing and guilt fought a war within my own heart.

I swallowed hard and shifted ever so slightly under Harry’s arms. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms that much tighter.

“Angela” he whispered.

I looked up into his eyes. His green-grey marbles were barely more than an inch away. I could see the black lines of his irises and the shadow of grey that fused with the forest green, like mini globes. Mini worlds I wanted to be a part of as much as I knew I had to leave.

“The sun’s setting” he told me and we both glanced over at the horizon.

A crimson streak mixed with magenta and gold, covering the sun like a blanket.

“It’s beautiful” I spoke quietly.

Harry nodded.

Then, a tiny butterfly fluttered closely in front of us. Its wings were golden and papery-thin- too delicate to last forever but too beautiful to ignore.

Harry reached for the beautiful creature. He smiled warmly when it came to him, landing on his index finger.

Carefully, he brought his finger close to mine and the butterfly hoped onto my finger.

Gently, it flapped its wings, watching us intently.

“Angela” Harry spoke in a slightly nervous voice.

I looked up at him.

“Yes?”

“Angela, I told you something a long time ago. I told you something that I don’t know if you’ve forgotten and I want to tell it to you again” he began cautiously. He seemed quite anxious to say something and it made me a bit nervous waiting for him to blurt it out.

He searched my eyes, as if he could relay the message that way.

“What is it Harry?” I asked.

“I love you.”  

I looked up into his eyes, searching for- waiting for him to blink, to sigh, something to prove to me that he was lying and that I was still awake. But I found nothing but an unwavering power behind his green-grey marbles as he stared into me, pulling the light out of my darkened, broken heart.

He was telling the truth and I wasn’t dreaming. I swallowed hard, trying to take in his words.

My heart fell to the pit of my stomach as the acid of guilt and longing burned my throat. I wanted to say it back, say those three little words back to him, but I couldn’t. I had lost my voice. Then, something golden caught my eye in the distance of the meadow.

A shot rang through the field, making my ears bleed with agony.