Attack on Titan: Beyond Canon

Moonlight | Levi x Petra

The bed shifted around Petra, the movement and the creaking of the mattress pulled her from her slumber. She blinked awake as a blur of movement entered her vision. Softened, uncomfortable moans rose out of the silence that had shrouded her in sleep. Her attention focused on the cause of the disturbance immediately.

Levi was rolling between her back and her side, over and over, her body not quite fully committing in either direction. Her ebony hair tumbled over her shoulder with each movement. As the captain rolled back once again, Petra glimpsed her whitened face, taut with distress: jaw clenched, eyes squeezed shut and tears pricking out even under her eyelids.

Petra's heart clenched at once. She shuffled closer across the bed and reached up with the fingers of the arm pinned beneath her to stroke Levi's silky locks. Her other hand moved to her lover's pale, clammy cheek, her knuckles brushing the skin softly. One stroke and then another.

It's okay. I'm here. You're okay.

Another stroke broke the spell. Levi's eyes snapped open and she instantly recoiled, curving her body into the foetal position away from Petra. Petra's heart broke a little more as she watched her girlfriend curl even on herself even more.

"I woke you up," Levi muttered. "I'm sorry." The delivery was gruff but Petra didn't doubt the sincerity in her words.

"That's okay," Petra assured her, scooting behind her a little more, sliding her arm over Levi's waist, pulling her hips back against Petra's own until she was fully spooning her. She laid her face in Levi's dark hair, pressing a kiss to the sleek, tidy strands that seemed to resist bed hair as if Levi's neat-freak tendencies could enforce such a thing by will alone. "You're okay." Petra told her.

She heard a minuscule scoff. "We both know, I'm not. I'm a fucking mess."

It was a discussion they'd had so many times now and doubtless would be having for years to come. For now though, Petra pushed the bigger picture aside to focus on the part that was hurting Levi now. "What were you dreaming about?" she whispered against her lover's neck.

There was hesitation but only a brief one. "My mother."

Oh. Levi had only told Petra a handful of things about her mother - each tidbit sporadically given, so Petra knew not to push the matter too far. "A nightmare?"

Levi shook her head. "No. She... she was happy. Healthy even."

Petra's heart clenched. Levi had told her how her mother had withered away from a cruel, drawn-out illness. Petra could only imagine what it had done to Levi to see her healthy again after having watched her deteriorate all those years ago. Rather than offer any verbal consolation, Petra snuggled further into Levi's back, her palms rubbing tender strokes into the other woman's back. She kissed Levi's hair again several times within that silence, giving her captain the space to process while still letting her know that she was here. That Levi was safe and that she was loved.

"You touching me," Levi spoke again after several silent minutes had gone by, "reminded me of her. You're always so gentle, like she was."

Petra leaned further into the back of Levi's neck, feeling an odd mixture of happiness at the comparison and yet guilt at accidentally triggering her lover and waking her up. She pressed a kiss to Levi's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you, or wake you."

"No." Levi's hands moved to cover hers on her stomach. "Don't ever apologize for being gentle with me, Petra. Please don't." She lifted one of Petra's hands and kissed her fingers once then twice and then a third time.

"Okay," Petra promised, her head on Levi's shoulder now. "I just don't want to play any part in upsetting you. You're not always like this over dreaming of her."

"The anniversary is today," Levi murmured. "So my dreams are always... more... intense."

Petra nodded against her. It didn't go unnoticed to her that, around this time of year, Levi would have a day or so where she barely left her office. Petra had walked in on her drinking whiskey last year and bitterly complaining about alcohol being useless to her.

Levi continued. "This year is different though," she remarked. She kissed Petra's fingers again. "This year I have you."

Petra's cheeks flush and she drops a kiss onto Levi's shoulder. "And you always will. You never have to be alone in this again, Levi." She felt the captain squeeze her hands again, saying nothing. Once more, Petra gave her love time to take in what had been said, what it would mean. She simply stroked her hair and her cheeks which were already losing their clammy state.

Levi shuffled, turning in Petra's arms, her flint-like, blue eyes gazing up into warm, amber ones. She brought a pale hand up to Petra's warm cheek and caressed it, her expression cautious, like she was looking for something. Whatever it was, she seemed to find it as her features relaxed and she brushed her thumb over Petra's cheek with a softness many people would not have known her capable of.

"Walls, she would have loved you," she told Petra as her lips touched her lover's. Petra's eyes fluttered in the light kiss. "She would have loved you so much," she says again, accompanying this with another kiss. Her hand slides beyond Petra's cheek to cup the nape of her neck. "Almost as much as I do."

Petra smiled against Levi's next kiss, slightly less gentle. "I love you too."

——————

From that year on, Levi began a new tradition for this day.

In the early hours of the morning, when dawn's light first took over the castle, she would take Petra to the tiny, private garden she'd set up for Kushel in one of the tiny courtyards. It had taken a lot of work to remove the stones and the weeds and to everyone but a select few, this was where she planned to grow tea leaves. But here, in this intimate little space, bloomed flowers of several varieties, their bright colours shining in the sunlight. Flowers that she was sure her mother would have loved to see had she been able to move up to the surface.

Here, Levi and Petra mark the occasion.