A Common Life // One Direction& 5Sos - Sequel to Separated Lives

Chapter 30

It happens every now and then and no one is save from it.

The sentence kept repeating in my head.My hands wandered over my arms and over the scars. Over the stories they told and over the past which had caused them. None of the media had ever found out that I suffer from depression and self harm. Well you can say suffered, 'cause I stopped with self harm.

My finger went over the biggest scar, which had been the deepest cut I ever made and was supposed to be the one who took my life about a year ago. Right now I was happy that Jake found me before it was too late, but I know there were so many times in the past weeks were I wished that I had succeeded.

What was life to me back then?

I would have described it as the hell on earth or as an illness, slowly killing me from the inside out. A feeling of anxiety, always expecting even worse things the next day. By each hit or kick or even insult the little spark of hope that some day they would realize what they actually do to me and end it before I do. But that's just not how it works. Either you take it, or you fail.

I had to admit that my life never was great and still is not really, yet a part of me notices that it is getting better at the moment.

I remember all the times in the hallways in Germany, barely able to breath and all the stays in the nurse room or even hospital.

The endless wish to die and finally come to a better place where I would be free of all the suffering and hate.

The wish to be somewhere with people who like me and actually do care about me.

The wish to feel welcome and at home.

A feeling which I hadn't had since I was sent to germany.

My eyes wandered to the picture of my mother.

How many times had I wished for her to be by my side.

How many nights had I cried out my eyes, wondering why she didn't take me with her to heaven.

How many times would I have needed her advice and her strong hand leading me on.

When I needed her most, she wasn't there, but what can I do? She is dead, but I know that she still was always by my side, even though I can't seen her.

I had my own angel, making sure that I was save and that I make it through the days.

Still alive, but barely breathing.

Three times I had been in New York City since she died and I never found the courage to visit her. To talk to her.

I felt guilty. Not only because I hadn't been at her grave, but also because I always only found time to talk to her when I had problems. Gladly I had visited her often since I live here in NYC again.

Thinking about that I noticed that I never told her all the things I wanted to tell but never could.

I decided to go to the graveyard and talk to her. When I was about to exit my room I stopped.

My stomach felt strange and there was this feelig again: Anxiety mixed with nervousness.

I wanted to go to the graveyard so bad. Yet I was really afraid of going through the streets alone. The last time I went out alone I got kidnapped and yeah.

Who would go with me though?

Louis and Zayn would but I didn't want them to put up with me any longer for today, after all that happened at the NYPD today.

Ashton..well he would also tag along but I didn't feel comfortable with that.

Calum, Michael, Luke and Liam where out at some club.

So the only ones left to ask are Harry and Niall. Well Niall is my best friend so I'll go ask him.

I walked down the hallway and stopped in front of Niall's door. I raised my hand and knocked on the door softly.

"Who is it?" Niall asked from inside.

"It's me, Lia." I answered. I heard some shifting inside of the room. Soon the handle turned and Niall stood infront of me smiling.

"What can I do for my favourite girl?" he asked and I smiled softly at his words.

"Do you have time to kinda go out with me?" I asked him hesitantly.

"Lia Tomlinson, are you asking me out on a date?" He smiled widely, yet I knew he meant it ironic.

"Of course Mister Horan." I answered grinning.

"Where do you want to take me?" he asked acting girlish.

"The graveyard actually. I know that's not really romantic, but.." I said quietly and a bit ashamed. Niall noticed my sudden mood change and interrupted me.

"Hey hey hey..don't worry. I'd love to visit your mum with you." he said and smiled at me, before pulling me into a hug.