Suicidal Todoroki x Depressed Bakugou | Fragments

9 | Cry

Katsuki Bakugou

Peering into the lifeless eyes of a heterochromatic doll, Bakugou strained to hiss, "That's not the answer! Everyone breaks. Even I do. Took me a long-ass time to see it, but failure ain't a bad thing. Breaking ain't a bad thing either. You need to fail to rectify your flaws and be the best you can be. You don't fail, then yer not pushin' yourself hard enough. Oi..." To Bakugou, Todoroki's vacant expression exuded a fierce, forlorn wind of something flickering, splintering, and perniciously evanescing.

Todoroki's eyes narrowed into thin slits, but he abruptly parted his lips. "Can I give you a hug?"

Bakugou's brows arched, but he nodded nonetheless. What the hell? Todoroki shifted upright and coiled his twig-like arms around Bakugou. He wants to give a hug rather than receive one when he just tried to kill himself? Why's he doing this? Something's not right. I still don't know him very well, but I know him enough to say that there's no way in hell this is heralding anything good. And he knows me well enough to know I'm not an affectionate person. Doubt he is either. What's he thinking? What's his plan? Shit, don't tell me he's doing this just to drop my guard and try again. Tch. Goddammit, my cheeks feel warm.

As Bakugou returned the embrace around Todoroki, a silken sensation pervaded his flesh. Todoroki's grip was neither loose nor tight, and if anything, Bakugou found that it was extraordinarily comfortable. Yet, separate from the warmth and tenacity of linking his body with Todoroki's, Bakugou felt an airy, throbbing warmth in his chest that he'd never experienced before.

When I was holding him in the air, Bakugou thought as he and Todoroki found themselves resting their heads on each other's shoulders, I could feel his heartbeat through his abdomen. It was like I was gonna end up squeezing his organs through his skin. I refuse to believe it's genetics. I also think he was bullshitting me when I heard him throwing up. It made me think of self-induced vomiting. But he showed me his hands, and... Does he know how to do it without his hands? Then why would he have... Fuck. I don't know, but I think this asshole's a lying bastard that's trying to hide all his problems.

"Oi," Bakugou whispered in a soft, sonorous growl. "You know how much I hate losing, right? I won't let you win against me. You're gonna live. You aren't living if you aren't feeling. You slaughter your feelings cuz you don't wanna feel the pain, then you're not living. What the hell's the point in living if you're numb to everything? Let yourself feel...before you implode again. What are you feelin', Todoroki?" He felt a pair of thumbs nudge against the backs of his shoulders.

"I don't know," Todoroki sighed after exhaling deeply. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I just kept hearing things that I knew weren't true. I got tired of hearing them. It was like a mosquito crawling inside my ear. I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry." He tightened his grip around Bakugou.

Bakugou was bewildered; he anticipated that Todoroki would offer the lackadaisical, unvarnished, and apathetic response that he felt like he wanted to die. "Bet I feel warm, yeah?" he replied brusquely.

"I guess." Todoroki relaxed his arms as his breaths began to align with Bakugou's breaths.

I don't get the impression that I'm making him uncomfortable, Bakugou noted. I'd assume he's cold all the damn time. Tch. The time I tried to overdose on drugs and alcohol... I was so fucking shaky after that. I was done. Just fucking done. Couldn't stand myself, my situation, or my feelings. Already had the drugs and alcohol, so why the hell not? I regret it, but I know how it feels, and I don't want anyone to feel like that. That shitty, awful feeling that just eats you alive and corrodes your sensibility. It consumes your mind, and you feel it in your entire body. Those fuckers didn't help me. I did that to myself because of you, and you didn't even care. You just yelled at me and blamed me for everything. Tch. Can't remember the last time someone hugged me. This asshole is really gonna do that? He's cold. Cold like ice. But if you add heat, you thaw it out. You add enough force...and the ice shatters.

"Yer less shaky," Bakugou remarked. "You're letting yourself feel something physically pleasant. Why not emotionally? You don't gotta tear out your feelings to be okay. That's just setting yourself up for failure. Don't you feel shitty when you don't feel what you know you should be feeling? Cry. Give yourself a damn break. Stop acting like you don't have emotions. I heard the burning hatred in your voice. Hell, beat the shit out of me if yer mad. But I betcha haven't cried in a long-ass time. Go on. Give it a shot. What's the worst that could possibly happen? Nothing." Despite his words, his eyes flicked from Todoroki to the floor.

Todoroki nuzzled his face further into the crook of Bakugou's neck, causing Bakugou to stiffen ever so slightly. "You'd yell at me if I couldn't. Even if you didn't, I know you'd think of me poorly. I don't need to be reminded that I'm—"

"A failure?" Bakugou finished for Todoroki as the latter nodded dejectedly. "I won't yell. I ain't gonna think of you poorly, as long as ya give it yer best. Todoroki, for fuck's sake, you're not a fucking failure. You really wanna call someone with two Quirks a failure? Hell no. You'd get a lot of shit if you implied that to others. A failure's a failure—there's no saving a failure. You aren't one. You think I'd let myself be this fucking openly kind and fucking soft to a failure? Hell no. I just want you, Todoroki, to try and cry." He reinforced his embrace enough to further squeeze against Todoroki's bamboo-scented hoodie.

Much to Bakugou's chipped ego, Todoroki shook his head. "That's your choice to let me see this side of you," he murmured. "I'm not like that. I don't have that kind of confidence. Because... Never mind. I'm sorry. That doesn't mean I'm not grateful for your being kind to me. I'm incredibly grateful. The fact that you're so much more than you let off... That's... Never mind. But it shows how much stronger of a person you are than me. How much braver. How much more courage and confidence you have. How much more of a Hero you could be than someone like me. Like I said, I'm no one and nothing, Bakugou."