Better Not Be Love

CHAPTER 6 - DARLING

When my alarm clock went off early in the morning, I was still wide awake. I didn't know how I should react if I saw him today, and the thought of just seeing him once more made me anxious in a special sort of way, if that even makes any sense. I lingered in the kitchen for half an hour, struggling to decide whether or not to call in sick and just skip work for two days, until I mustered the courage to confront him.

"Stop it, River. You have never been a coward, and you were usually the one who intimidated others. So what if he saw you crying? It's not the end of the world. You are a human, not a machine. People cry when they are sad. It's perfectly normal. Grow up, for God's sake, and quit being such a drama queen."

With my newfound confidence, I threw on a baggy sweatshirt and mom jeans before tying my hair into a sloppy bun. My pulse rate was still irregular, and I had to double-check myself before locking the door. I detested myself for acting so bizarrely, but I couldn't control it. I will be thirty in three years, yet I am still acting like a horrible teenager. I don't recall feeling similar sentiments as a teen or with my past lovers. So, what makes this stranger different?

"Get a grip, stupid."

I was trudging along the uneven road, babbling to myself, when I suddenly remembered something. I pulled out my mobile and opened the calendar, and I literally shrieked in delight. If there had been a couch, I would have plopped down and fanned myself. It was that time of the month again. That's why I was behaving so absurdly. I knew I wasn't in love one fine evening or that Cupid had shot an arrow at me. I was never friends with PMS, and this time it was no different.

"Did you win a lottery?"

Carla's voice made me raise my head and turn to face her, a goofy grin still on my lips. It explains why I overreacted. Although it was still humiliating to think that I broke down crying right in front of him and allowed him to embrace me, I can now be certain that there was nothing wrong with me like I feared. It was all because of my hormones.

Even if he spreads stories about me being a crying baby, I will just shrug it off. After all, this isn't the first time rumors about me have circulated. And if he begins getting cozy around me because of our little interaction, I will just sack him. For God's sake, I had the power here.

"Better. I just discovered a solution to my dilemma."

Carla shook her head in mirth as I responded, still beaming.

"You truly perplex me, River. You behave like a bitch at times and a crazy maniac at others."

I softly smacked Carla in the arms, and we both proceeded to walk to the location.

Despite my pep talks, I found myself looking forward to meeting him. And, yet again, I am going to blame it on my estrogen. Once I arrived on set, I surveyed everyone, and none of them seemed to be looking at me unusually. If someone's gaze stayed on me for longer than necessary, I leapt to unwanted conclusions.

"This is insane."

I muttered under my breath as I started scribbling on the printed script. I couldn't focus no matter how hard I tried, and I was having trouble coordinating. Carla assumed I was being inattentive because of Brave's death, and she told Kim so when he questioned why I was acting strangely. I didn't correct her, since she wasn't completely incorrect. I was still in grief over his death, and when I informed Lorraine about it, she broke into tears. She promised to return soon, saying she just needed some time until Matt's cast was removed. I told her to take her time and that I could manage everything on my own.

"Ma'am, you need to sign this."

When I heard that voice, the pen in my hand fell to the ground, and I almost sprained my neck as I quickly raised my head to look at him.