I'LL TAKE THIS SCAR.

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(March 15th,2023)
When I open up
I open my soul not just my heart
If I love you there's no question that I have you implanted into my whole being
My toxic trait is that now I made you a part of me I can't breathe without you
I can't smile or laugh without
I can't be...without you
And I hate that because even with that I'm always the last choice
I never wanted to hurt you but loving you while you love someone else sometimes feels like you are cutting off my air supply
And I'm sorry
Because most days I don't care about the air
I care about your happiness it has always meant more to me than mine...
I loved you without malice or regret
But being in love with someone that wants both
Is like throwing a bone to two aggressive dogs and expecting no blood
And I'll be the dog with the most wounds
Because seeing you happy even without me
Is how I breathe
Seeing you smile shakes my soul into someone that feels safe
I forget the world around me but do you still see it
I walk around and every face is yours
And I'm sitting here knowing that I feel like I'm stabbing my heart but I don't want you to break just because we're asking you to choose
I'll sit here with my heart ripped out of my chest before I let you rip your own out and split it in half for us
I choose you
Just maybe not the way you want
And I'm sorry
All I wanted was you
But pulling you apart isn't something I want for you

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