Your Struggles is What Creates Your Depth

MEMORIES SCREAMING.

(January 19th,2023)
Truthfully it sucked me back in
This black cloud tends to leave no survivors
I feel the hands of the monster wrapped around my wrist
While my insides are screaming no

It loves to remember this feeling and make me swallow it
Only it taste like a hot iron and charcoal
Last time this took hold it almost destroyed me
I'd like to think I'm stronger now
But it is too
I can't steady my hands for the life of me

I'm afraid that when I turn out the lights
I'll see him in the corner of the doorway, smiling down at me with his mouth watering
Still to this day I hear my silent screams in the bathroom of that haunted house
The ways the walls apologized but kept all their secrets
The way the smoke wrapped you up in a cocoon
The way I wanted to die in anyway possible even if it meant taking two lives

I hate the way that when I think I'm strong the moment I see him
Is the moment I forget that same definition
I just want to break all the mirrors in this home to remind myself not to see him
Standing behind me

Remind myself not to take showers again only baths so I don't hear the door creek open
And feel the hands wrap around my vulnerable body
Remind myself of the moments I loved him the most was the moments I didn't hold an ounce of it for me
Remind myself the days
Weeks and years
I avoided bedrooms because I always saw those cracked walls and his face
Screamed so loud in my dreams but quieter than a mouse with him
I wish I could just scream no in his dimpled,twisted face just once
But what's the point he never heard it for those three and a half months

If you hear me screaming
Just look the other way
But if you hear me begging
Please grab hold of me and never let go
Before I completely slip away into this darkness hidden behind my eyes