Fall in Love// English edition

Chapter 39

Luke

After I got home I had done homework and was playing online video games with the boys when suddenly there was a knock on my door.

-Lu?

-Come beautiful -I said- What's wrong darling? -I asked her when I turned to see her and saw her face bathed in tears-

-I-I miss mom -she told me in a barely audible tone- I need you

-Give me a second darling. Guys I'll talk to you later my girl needs me -I said and turned off my computer- Come here -I stretched out my arms and pulled her towards me making her sit on my legs, I stuck her to me as much as I could, she snuggled up, I hugged her and she cried in my arms i didn't try to calm her down i didn't want her to bottle up her feelings. She needed to let off steam and if instead of talking she needed to cry, scream or kick, I would leave her and be there for her, to listen to her because I know she needs it.

-What do you feel love?

-I feel that I lost a large part of m-myself, that my greatest motivation no longer exists, I feel a great emptiness in my chest and it hurts a lot but I don't know how to cope and it scares me.

-I know love, I know it hurts a lot and I won't tell you that everything will be fine because I know it won't help you but I will tell you one thing. -I said and I separated her from me to see her face to face- I am here, my parents are here, your uncles, cousins and brother are here for you and I promise you that I will not go anywhere, ever, I am here to listen to you, love you, accompany you and not feel insecure. I want you to know that, ok? I'm with you. -I said looking into her eyes, she snuggled up again and sobbed-

-Honey and-I...-she started but she stayed quiet.-

- What do you love? -I asked her when she didn't follow.-

-I want to end this -she whispered- I don't think I can go on with everything that is happening in my life -she said with a sob. I understood what she meant and it broke my heart-

-Wh-what? Sadie please don't do it, don't even think about it, I beg you. If you do it, I'll be the one who can't stand it -I said starting to cry- You are the reason for my happiness, you have no idea how much I love seeing you smile and be yourself but it hurts a lot to see you like this -I sobbed- it breaks my heart to see you suffer like this; I hate to see you cry, it hurts to see you in the middle of anxiety attacks, to see the scars on your arm. I would like to be able to make all your problems, traumas and insecurities disappear to see you happy and fulfilled. But if you do, my happiness and my heart will go with you and I don't think I can ever recover from that. I love you like you can't imagine I am happy by your side, you are the reason that I smiled every day so I hope I am your reason to smile as well. I am here for you to talk to me, I want you to feel safe to do it, so that you do not feel that I am going to criticize or scold you because I will not do it, I will advise you when necessary and I will always support you. -I said as I clung to her- I love you -I whispered-

-I love you too, Lu, -she said and kissed me softly and delicately.-

When we separated I picked up Sadie and laid her down on my bed, I lay down next to hers and drew her to me, hugging her while I cuddled her and we both fell into a deep sleep.