Incandescence

Chapter 12

"I will not go!" I said, heatedly. Sadaf and I were in my room, fighting over the impending dinner party that Armaan was throwing.

"Why won't you go? Just give me one valid reason, Alisha." Sadaf retorted.

"I have already told you." I said, turning away from her and slumping down on the bed.

 I didn't want to go to this party because I could predict what was going to happen there. I wasn't ready to face people, just yet. I had taken Armaan's and Anis's appearance in my life easily but I didn't know how people would react towards me. I, myself, got scared when I saw myself in the mirror. People will be more scared. I wasn't ready for that yet. I needed time to get used to my being flawed. Why didn't Sadaf understand that? She should be the one who would stand beside me on this notion but no, she wants me to dress up like nothing had changed and go out with her.

My burnt skin made me look creepy, something that even I wasn't used to. I didn't have much hair on the left side of my face, where I had burnt myself. The white and yellow of my skin wasn't a beautiful picture to see and it made me blanch too, looking at myself. I wasn't a pretty sight anymore.

"Alisha! I'm asking you something." Sadaf asked, a frown covering her forehead.

"That is no excuse, you know that." She said. "You can't hide inside your office or home forever. One day you will have to go outside and face people so you better start doing that from now on."

"I said I don't want to." I said, hotly.

"Well, if you're not going, can I borrow a dress from your wardrobe?" she asked.

"Of course! You don't need to ask me for that." I replied, watching her walk towards my wardrobe. I watched her warily because I knew Sadaf. She wasn't someone who would give up so easily. Some devilish plan was forming in her mind, I knew. My eyes were on her as she swung my dresses along the rack, looking for some particular dress. She finally settled on a black dress, with tube sleeves and square neck. This was one of my favorite dresses as it was simple yet elegant, typically a black tie. The knee length shirt had matching black trouser attached to it.

"I'm taking this one with me." She said, grinning at me like a cartoon.

"Alright." I said, resignedly.

"I'm going home for a bit. Now that you're not going to the dinner, I'll get ready over there otherwise I had planned to stay with you and we could get ready like we used to."

"Yeah, I ain't going. I guess I'll take a nap, I'm really tired." I still hadn't recovered my strength fully. Minor activities got me tired easily therefore I had to take two or three naps in twenty four hours. As she left, I switched off the lights and snuggled into bed.

A pair of chocolate brown eyes smiled at me from the darkness, the same eyes that had once stolen sleep from my eyes. Fate had brought us together again but I couldn't even think of talking to him because I wasn't worthy enough of him anymore. My destroyed physical appearance was proof of that. How disgusted he must be with the way I looked, wouldn't he? He must wince every time he saw my face because it was unlike any face he had seen. I knew why my physical appearance didn't affect Sadaf or Shahmir because they had been with me for years and we had developed a bond of friendship and love. He was new to me, new to our friendship.

If our positions were reversed, my opinion about him would be different. I wouldn't judge him over the way he looked but over the way he acted. I was a different person but then as they say, guys always look for the outer beauty. I realized that fact. Despite of all that, his eyes beckoned me to talk to him and get to know him. The look in his eyes when he saw me made me feel warm and protected but that is not real. What I feel from someone can never be real now? I had nothing to give to anybody. People who would be involved with me would bring censure upon them because this is what our society is all about. Flawed people had no standing or place in the society. They were shunned because they were misfits and didn't fall into the fake rules that the society had created. I didn't need to bring censure on anybody because of me.