My Song to You

34

Naruto sat in the single person couch in his hotel room in his fluffy black robe after a steaming shower. He was alone in the room. Iruka and Kakashi were next door probably making all the love in the world with all the bumps Naruto heard. He sighed and facepalmed. He rubbed his face with both of his hands and sat up again. He wasn't sure how to feel or what to think. He had just seen Sasuke, in costume but it was still him, after so many years. He was scared, happy, sad, but worst of all he still loved the brunette. His heart raced just from thinking of the boy with the dark eyes that could tell what Naruto was feeling at any time. It raced with excitement and with adrenaline from how terrified he felt when his mind reminded him of how Sasuke almost crushed him. He wanted to cry for joy from seeing the man he grew up to be. But he also wanted to cry from the pain his heart went through with the history they had.

"What do I do?" Naruto asked the empty room.

He wanted to talk to someone about this but the only person he's ever opened up to was Sasuke. Sasuke knew all his secrets, and all his fears. Naruto leaned back against the small cushion the hotel had placed on the seat. He sighed heavily again. He remembered everything that happened. The day he lost his grandmother to the day he first met Iruka. He remembered how happy he was as a child. Having all the fun he could with his friends, until he met Sasuke. His attention was then switched to the brunette. He remembered how he tried to ignore the pale boy whenever he was around. Instead, Naruto gave the boy all his attention when they fought over childish things. Tears started to well up in his eyes when he remember all the great time Sasuke and him had together when they finally became friends and started dating. Sniffling Naruto wiped the tears away, he made a promise to himself to not cry over anyone again. Naruto pushed off the seat and went over to the small desk against the wall under the television and pulled out the wooden chair there. He sat down and opened the notebook that was laying there. Grabbing the mechanical pencil he placed beside it Naruto started writing on a blank page.

His heart aching with every word he wrote. The tears came again but he wiped them away before they fell. His breathing picked up. The room felt smaller to him as he leaned over the notebook. He was pouring his heart into the song he was writing. He couldn't stop the tears from falling this time. Each tear that fell landed on the page soaking in. If he had a clear vision he could see that the tears landed on three words. I miss you. Naruto covered his face and cried into his hands.

"Why did you leave like that!?" Naruto cried out.

He threw the pencil down and got up to run into the bathroom. In there he grabbed the razor Iruka had gotten him to shave his, as Iruka had said, 'manly hair'. Naruto broke the razor and grabbed one of the blades in between his fingers. His hand was shaking as he stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were puffy and blood shot. His cheeks were stained with tears. Mucus slid out if his nose down to his mouth but he didn't care. His shoulders shook with every breath he took. Choking back another cry Naruto rolled up his robe sleeve and stared at the smooth skin. He placed the razor again his wrist length wise and took a deep breath as he slid it across his skin. A small line of crimson oozed out before it thickened and dripped. Feeling the pain and coming back to his sense Naruto dropped the razor. He gasped as if he had resurfaced from being under water too long. He watched as his blood dripped from his wrist onto the sink and the tiled floor. He blinked his wet eyes watching his life source leave his body. He felt a bit calmer, more centered. Then he was scared back into reality as he heard a scream coming from the bathroom door. Turning his head Naruto saw Iruka standing there horrified at what he was seeing.

"Naruto, what are you doing?!" Iruka asked as he went into mother hen mode.

Iruka grabbed the hand cloth that was draped over the small rail beside the sink and wrapped it tightly around Naruto's wrist. Naruto didn't say anything just watch his parent in action. He was too in his mind to care what was going on. He wanted to be dead. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He then focused on Iruka and quickly noticed the love marks on his father's collar bone. Feeling jealous Naruto pulled his arm aggressively away from Iruka who was calling out for Kakashi.

"Leave me alone." Naruto whispered.

His voice sounded strange to his ears. He had been crying for a while making it coarse and dry. Kakashi came in to see the panicked Iruka and the calm Naruto. Without thinking Kakashi pulled Naruto out of the bathroom by his other arm and dragged him all the way to the car. Iruka followed after crying and asking what went wrong. Naruto was just a doll at this point. His mind couldn't focus on one thing. He felt dizzy and heavy. The hand towel that was wrapped around his bleeding wrist was soaked all the way through with blood. It was beginning to drip as they got into the car. Iruka took his shirt off and wrapped it around the hand towel to keep it from dripping.

"What happened? Why did you hurt yourself?" Iruka asked Naruto who's head lulled to the side before his eyes shut.