Kaz Brekker imagines

He Had Time

part two

Kaz stared at her with empty eyes, inspecting her to see if she really meant what she said. "I just-" He cut himself off abruptly, thinking through his next words carefully. He felt as if he was approaching a wild animal. "Grief makes a monster out of us sometimes. It sometimes makes you say and do things to the one- ones you love. Things that you can't forgive yourself for."

"Kaz I've known you for years-"

"So then you know what I'm talking about." His voice came out sharper than he intended. He saw her flinch slightly which made him sigh and run a hand through his hair. He must've looked distraught at this point, but he couldn't bring himself to truly care. Just the mere thought of her leaving pained his stone heart.

She was right, they've gone through everything together. "Is it really your past that stops you from giving me everything or do you just not want to?" And he wanted to give her more than he could. She deserved the world, but how was a monster supposed to present the world to a queen? "You're a renegade, Kaz." She was right again. He was a person to desert others without even trying. He didn't mean to push them away. He didn't mean to push her away. It just happened.

He let out a sigh before he spoke, trying to hold back any emotion that had slipped past his walls. "Cry. Scream. Break something. Hit me if you need to, but don't leave." He saw her eyes widen just slightly as the words fell from his lips. "It's easier to breathe when you're around."

She said nothing. Silence slid into the room like a snake.

He looked up at her nervously only to see tears in her eyes. Before he could say anything she cleared her throat, "Okay."

Kaz lifted an eyebrow in question.

"Just... Give me some time to cool off. Then we can talk." With that Y/N walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Another talk was the last thing Kaz wanted, but she wasn't leaving. At least not yet, he had time to pull himself together for her. He had time to show her how much he really needed her. 

He had time.