Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 42

"What are you talking about?" I asked. 

"I know about him, y/n," Mack whispered. 

"About who?"

Mack looked at me with watery eyes. She hesitated before speaking again. "Professor Snape." 

I grabbed her hand and dragged her into the nearest empty classroom. I shut the door and leaned my forehead against the cool wood for a minute, trying to keep my thoughts from spiralling. I turned towards Mack who looked afraid, yet determined. 

"What are you saying, Mack?" I asked, trying to find out exactly what she knew. 

"I found a note," Mack admitted. "It was on the floor near your bed. I was going to put it on your table, but then I read it. The initial S, the office, I figured it was Professor Snape. So I went down there that night and knocked. I thought I could hear something, but no one answered. I held onto the note, I'm not sure why. I tried letting go of the idea of you two together because I thought there was no way. A teacher and a student, that's ridiculous, right?" Mack took a shaky breath. 

"I came looking for you a few nights ago. Then I heard some shouting," Mack went on. "You never came back to the common room so I was worried." Mack suddenly looked down at the floor. "I saw you two together," she whispered. "You two seemed angry, yet..." 

"Mack," I breathed. 

"You were kissing him." She got out in one quick breath. "I had the note in my hand. I was going to throw it out. I think I dropped it when I ran." 

We stayed silent for a long time. 

"I wanted to tell you," I tried explaining. "I couldn't." 

"Obviously you couldn't," Mack smiled sadly. "There were always signs but I never wanted to believe it. It's wrong, y/n. He's using you." 

"What? No, he's not. It's not like that, Mack." 

"He's your teacher, of course it's like that." 

"I'm not getting anything out of it, like grades, or anything," I said. 

"It's still a power thing," she went on. 

"You're wrong, Mack." 

"Y/n, I can't let you go see him." 

"You don't understand, there's so much more to it." My mind spiralled. I thought about using the Obliviate charm on her, but knew it was risky. I had never tried it before and I risked damaging her memory much further than my relationship with Severus. 

"Y/n," Mack said, taking out her wand and pointing is near my feet. "I don't think you understand. I'm not letting you go see him." 

I almost laughed. "What are you going to do? Attack me?" 

"I'm not going to hurt you," Mack said. "I'm just going to stop you."

"Mack," I pleaded. "Dumbledore is sending me back to Canada after I graduate. You're not keeping me from Severus." Mack flinched at his name. "I don't have much time left with him." 

"Dumbledore's gone, y/n," Mack said. 

"Yes, another reason I need to find Severus." 

"How are those things connected?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed. 

"They just are, you have to trust me on this. It's not safe here for me." 

"I think we're beyond trust at this point, y/n." 

"Mack, think for one second." I took a tentative step towards her. "You can't hold me in here forever. What's your plan here?" 

"Promise me you won't see him anymore," Mack stated. 

"I can't do that," I said. 

"If you don't promise me, y/n, I'll tell McGonagall." 

"Mack," I said warningly. "If you tell anybody, he'll get fired and who knows what else. You'll ruin his life." 

"Why are you protecting him?" Mack almost shouted at me. "Why can't you see how fucked this relationship is?" 

"He's not using me, Mack!" I felt anger bubble up, and I tried stuffing it back down but it was too strong. "We care about each other." 

"Ya, it sure looked that way when I heard you two screaming at each other in the corridor," she said sarcastically. 

"I was angry with him, just like I'm angry with you. That's normal in relationships, Mack." 

"Why were you angry with him?" 

Shock washed over me at the sudden change in conversation. I crossed my arms and decided to be honest. "He agreed with Dumbledore about sending me back to Canada, so I was pissed." 

"Would a good boyfriend do that?" Mack asked. "No, he wouldn't." 

"He sided with him because if I stayed here, there's a good chance I'll get murdered." I watched the confusion settle on Mack's features. "He's trying to protect me, Mack. I was just blinded by my anger to see that." 

"Why would you get murdered?" she asked. 

"It's a long fucking story, Mack. And to be honest, I am not in a sharing mood right now. Dumbledore left, and I need to find Severus."

Mack looked down, her wand now resting beside her. "I will tell McGonagall." 

I sighed, accepting defeat. "I need to talk to him about Dumbledore. We won't fuck." 

"That's disgusting," Mack whispered. 

"And afterwards, I need to at least say goodbye, Mack. We deserve that much." 

"Fine," Mack agreed. "If you promise to end your... sexual relationship with him, then I won't tell anyone." 

I bite my lip, emotions swelling in my chest. I knew our relationship would end when I left, however this was much sooner than I anticipated. "Ok, Mack. You win." 

"It's for the best, y/n." 

I could already feel the resentment rising like bile in my throat. I felt hatred towards Mack for this, however I knew she didn't understand. 

I turned to leave. 

"Where are you going?" Mack asked. 

"To find Severus," I repeated. 

"I'll go with you." She took a step towards me. 

I considered her for a second, then decided I already wasted enough time. Mack and I left the classroom and headed for the dungeons.