Centers of Fate - Stray Kids

Epilogue 2 - Felix's TED talk

About one year ago, I was eating pretzel bites with one of my best friends, when I was asked to have a private conversation with someone. I trusted them, hoping to connect with them over the protests my friends and I were doing at the time.

Instead, my life changed in an instant.

I was thrown into a trunk, and had a blindfold put over my eyes. I sat in that trunk for hours, hearing the faint sounds of protestors outside wherever we were. I now know that was the Senate building, on the day of the hearing, talking about the attacks on mental health centers that I had experienced firsthand. They silenced me, and tied me and my best friend up for days on end, until I was saved by the bravest non-Superiors I know.

I had no idea, as my friend and I gave our testimony to the police, that we would be the center of one of the most influential trials of the decade, or perhaps even the century. We honestly were hesitant to go to the police because we thought they might have been bought off by our kidnapper and his accomplices. But once we knew he was in custody, we had to talk.

It was hard. I am naturally a positive person. I bring my friends joy every day. But at that time, I was coming off a very serious trauma, and also struggling with my identity. I had no solid ground, and had only one other person who understood me. He understood why I hated the dark now. Why, if someone accidentally bumped my leg, even just a tiny bit, I would freak out and close my legs shut. Why I had scarring around my ankles and wrists. And honestly, after all that happened, we rarely left each other's sides. He was unemployed until just recently, because he was too afraid to go anywhere, even with our assaulter behind bars. That's where he belongs, by the way. *audience applause* My brother's best friend, one of my closest friends now, used to be the life and light and foundation of our friend group. He went day after day after day of being violated, and then all of that was gone. The quirky comments and quick witted humor disappeared for at least two months.

It's not fair. None of it was fair.

And yet, we were two of the strongest advocates of our group. We believed that things needed to change the most, along with my brother. And the consequences of standing up for ourselves were tremendous. We were stalked, and followed, and openly insulted by politicians and celebrities. We were ridiculed for having different views of the world, when all we wanted was help. We wanted help, and we wanted others to get help. What seemed, to us, like such a simple change turned into a cultural war of sorts. The art of the protest came back in style, for both sides of the discussion. And, even upon reflection, I'm okay with that. I'm still okay with the idea that people disagree with me.

The thing is, I've seen all sides of the system, from all the different angles of class and gender and mental health. I've seen enough to know we're all the same. Whether she, or he, or they, like I identify as now. Whether Superior, or Average, or Sub-Standard. We're all humans fighting everyday together on this slowly dying rock in the Milky Way galaxy. People who are as wealthy as I once was, or even more so, have deserted us. So here we are, arguing amongst ourselves instead of trying to find the common ground and helping one another grow. *audience applause*

At the end of the day, I am not all that important. I am not deserving of speaking in front of you here today. I just happen to be a kidnapped boy at the mercy of a sick individual who got a lot of attention. What I have learned from this, however, is to never take life for granted. I didn't know as I was blind and tied up if I would live. Many times he would come in, and just taunt us with the idea of more drastic sexual assault or playing with knives. I couldn't see anything for days, so I had all day and night to dramatize what might happen, despite all my knowledge of psychology and the mind telling me it could all be a lie.

Every day, I try my best to spread gratitude. I am grateful for my friends around me, and my colleagues at work. I am grateful that I can make my own living, though I wish that didn't come at the price of losing my parents. I am grateful that I can take walks through the forest by work. I try not to remember it as it once was, but as the regrowing and beautiful thing it is becoming now.

The older I get, the more I realize life is about love. It is about who you love, and who loves you. It is about who and what you cherish and prioritize. It is about making the most of the life you have now. Because you never know if one day you'll be pulled away from it all and never come back. And when you do come back, you'll never see life the same way again. It wasn't the same for me. It still isn't the same for me. But you will always see love. I promise you, even if you don't feel it in your heart right now, someone out there loves you. Trust that love is real. Look around for it. It may be closer than you think. It could be sitting next to you right now, and you would never know if you don't open your heart and give it a chance. It is the one constant source of warmth and comfort, so make sure you don't ignore it when you leave here. I truly believe in love, and we all deserve at least that.

Thank you.

*audience applause*