Centers of Fate - Stray Kids

Chapter 15 - Destroyed

(A/N: Though this is not my favorite chapter I've written so far, (which I'm sure I'll brag about when we get there lol) I didn't initially intend to write this. Once most of Stray Kids got Covid, Chan got on Bubble and kept getting mad for not being sick and how much his immune system sucked and how annoyed he was. Ironically, having gotten Covid myself now, I totally understand where he's coming from. However, voicing that constant frustration made me think of how he might have felt coming into his evaluation, and how someone evaluated at Sub-Standard mental health would experience the Evaluation versus IN/Seungmin so far, who were considered Superior mental health. I also would like to use this chapter to have you, as the reader, perhaps self-reflect on the micro-evaluations within the Evaluation profiles. Chan is 18 here, and a note was made about "extreme negative self-image," which I want to imply came from this interaction. Is this negative self-image, standing up for yourself, or somewhere in between? Also, his depression at 14 came from outside circumstances, not him, but there's no way to distinguish that in the snapshot of the profiles. Are you depressed because you're depressed, or because bad shit went down, and now that's a scar on everything you do for the rest of your life. As I was re-reading for consistency, it really made me think about how subjective a system like this would be, and how much luck of the draw and circumstances could impact your entire future. We'll get more into this in future chapters with the protest coming up and the reactions to that. Am I taking this story too seriously? Probably, but I'm having fun and that's what matters. -Nicole)

6 years ago, New Fall:

My palms were becoming sweaty the more I pressed my fingers in and out of them. Innie said I'd be okay, but he's a kid. He's only starting to see how bad things are. It's not like anything is going to change. I am Sub-Standard everything, it will stay that way, and I'll get a tiny little apartment in an abandoned house somewhere and live my merry little miserable life.

But thinking about that makes me feel broken. And I'm not broken.

Sure, dad leaving about five years ago messed me up, because the system wasn't supposed to be that. It was the nuclear family of parents and children, but it didn't matter as much if it was mom and dad, or dad and dad, or mom and mom. The idea was you were a family. Once he left, I had to step up when I wasn't ready to. When I just wanted to be a kid still and run around in the backyard with Innie and his brothers. It made me feel like I belonged somewhere as an only child.

But I'm not broken.

[Bang, Christopher (18, Sub-Standard, (BD: 03/10)]

[Access: Granted (Final Evaluation)]

It even says why I'm here. Great.

I tried not to look around the room in disgust of what it stood for. There was no hope for me. They already knew I was sad all the time. It was a miracle I had a job lined up after this because of my "smiling and joyful personality." It was all an act. I spend more days crying than being joyful. I would probably cry more if I wasn't forced to go out. Hell, I would probably cry everyday if Yang Jeongin didn't exist.

I'm telling you though, I'm not broken.

"I'm here for my Final Evaluation."

"What's your name?" The young man with a bow tie handed me a clipboard.

"Chris Bang."

"Fill this out, someone will be with you shortly."

I felt a bit cagey, but tried to calm down. This can't get any worse. I don't think. I'm never quite sure. Others were sitting around, but no one I knew. Of course not, there are many October babies who would be here. I also don't know a lot of people, being that I rarely leave the apartment. Sometimes people come here for regular evaluations too. I don't know how. It's a terrifying place.