The Five Dollar Mail (Book 1: The Green & Book 2: Lynch's Boys)

30: Insult to Injury

Book cover art by Angela Taratuta, graphics by me. Featured chapter artwork of Bender is by Liezl Buenaventura.

"So, wait...what?" Hellbender leaned back on the timber supporting the barn roof and looked Deputy Blackie Shannon full in the face. "You're bloody telling me that Levi Yarl..."

"Yep." The black-haired lawman nodded as if swearing in at a trial. "Walked into an outhouse, sat down, and the seat gave way. He fell butt-first into the sump and straight into a nest of rattlesnakes."

Bender just stared. It took quite a bit to leave him speechless, but Blackie had succeeded. He couldn't actually say he was sorry to hear that Levi Yarl had ended up with an ass full of potentially lethal puncture wounds, but even he had to admit the story was pretty horrifying.

And funny. But he sure wasn't going to let Deputy Shannon know he thought so.

Blackie gave him a significant look. "Outhouse is infested with rattlers. Actually, Bender, it wasn't just rattlers, it was just a hell of a lot of all kinds of snakes. But most of them were rattlers. I know it sounds crazy...but...you boys out here wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Bender's mouth dropped open. "Mate, how in the hell would we have anything to do with somethin' like that? What do you think we did, collected a bunch of vipers in a creel and went traipsing over there like we were buggering carrying pies to a picnic? Dunnies get full of snakes, that's not unusual."

"Well, now, Bender, I know that. I mean, I know it's a common problem, but even so, I don't think I've ever seen so many snakes at once in one place in my life. It was damn spooky." He shifted uncomfortably. "Look, Holt's saying the seat was tampered with and that's why it broke when Yarl sat on it. But we both know those Yarls are big boys, I can see a seat giving up the ghost on it's own easy enough. Of course, the first thing Holt thought was that Peltier went over there to get even. Expect a visit from him. Fair warning."

Bender grimaced and scratched his face, exasperated. "I gotta tell ya, mate, Storm can't walk from the house to the kitchen without help. I dunno if he's thinking of revenge, but I can tell you he ain't doing it. He's hurt."

"I saw him when they brought him in, and I thought at first that he was dead. I know he's hurt."

"Thanks for the warning, Blackie," Bender nodded. "I appreciate you looking out for us." He hesitated, thinking. I really don't want to upset everyone with this, but there's no way around it. His shoulders slumped. "Look here, you need to talk to Peltier?"

Blackie sighed in resignation. "I suppose I need to, because Holt's gonna ask me if I did."

"Last time I saw him, he was in the kitchen with the girls." Bender pushed himself upright with his foot and gestured for the deputy to follow him.

Bender was bloody glad Peltier didn't look terribly chipper as he sat at the kitchen table peeling carrots. He did look better, but the last thing anyone needed was for the deputy to believe he was hale and hearty, capable of enthusiastically collecting knots of vipers and relocating them to the Yarl dunny.

Blackie pulled his hat off and held it in front of him. "Ladies." he said. "Peltier."

Lily and Fiona looked up from preparing supper, surprised. Neither of them bothered to disguise their obvious suspicion. Storm glanced up and did a double take when he saw the deputy. He put down the carrot he was working on and took a deep, worried breath.

"Apparently," Bender started. "Some snakes got onto the Yarl's property and...yeah. worked over Levi Yarl's bare ass while he was stuck in a shit hole with his pants down around his ankles...the ladies really need to know this... bit Levi Yarl a couple times."

Storm's eyes narrowed, clearly waiting for the punch line and knowing it was probably going to be on him before it was over. Lily's eyes were wide, darting from Blackie's face, to Storm's, and then back to Bender's. Fiona stepped almost protectively over to Storm's side, unconsciously clutching a cleaver.

Bugger me, I ain't sure whether to laugh or get the hell out of her way, Bender thought, startled. Lookit the face on her. I hope Blackie doesn't make any sudden moves toward Peltier, she'll slice his bleeding knackers off.

"Peltier," Blackie said, gently. "Levi Yarl fell through an outhouse seat into the...into the sump and was bitten repeatedly by rattlesnakes. It looked like the seat had been partially sawn through and the whole privy was infested with snakes. You...didn't have anything to do with that...did you?"

An unbidden smirk flickered across Storm's face and he settled his elbows on the table. "Oh, you mean did I use my mystical Injun powers to bewitch the Snake Nation into going over there and smiting Levi Yarl for me while I'm laid up peeling vegetables?" He gave a contemptuous snort. "I wish I had. Or at least seen it happen." He picked up the carrot dismissively and resumed peeling it. "As fun as that sounds, I'm afraid that no, I didn't. I imagine the Yarls have snakes in their becosse because everyone has snakes in their becosse. And I think I have a pretty good idea about what caused the seat to break."

Blackie nodded and paused, awkwardly clearing his throat. "Look, Peltier, I'm sorry about what happened. It was wrong, and I'm ashamed of how it was handled. And I don't think you did anything. I know how bad busted up you were. I just told Holt I'd come down here and ask, and also to warn you all that he's talking like that and probably gonna pay you a visit."

Storm dropped his gaze, some of the fire going out of his eyes. He sighed tiredly, saying nothing.

"How could he even think that?" Fiona spat, crossing her arms, the cleaver gleaming menacingly in her hand. "What do you think, that nobody else in town might have a motive for getting rid of those...those..."

Blackie shrugged helplessly. "Miss Lewis-Smythe, I don't know. I don't think a lot of clear thinking is going on down there right now. I'm just trying to make sure the situation doesn't get any worse."

"No point taking it out on Blackie." Bender said. "He didn't have to come down here and warn us. None of this is his fault."

Storm nodded, then looked back up at the Deputy. "I know," he said quietly. "Sorry, Shannon. Thanks."

Lily was drying her hands on a dishtowel and coming over to the table. "He's been either in the kitchen or in the parlor ever since Mr. Bender and the men brought him home," she asserted. "He hasn't been out of our sight since."

Bender figured Lily could probably give someone more trouble than they bargained for as well as Fiona could. She was shy, and in some ways a little timid, but she was tough and smart, probably more so than even she suspected. If Holt had a mind to give the station any trouble, he suspected the man would be well and truly snookered just trying to get past the girls. The thought made him smile.