Fix me

Chapter 41

'What am I not gonna like?'

'I think you should sit back down.'

Cheryl does so, never taking her eyes off me. 'Ok I'm sat down; spit it out cos you're freaking us out Kim.'

'Okay,' I sigh, 'Well, after Dad died, I... kind of lost it for a while.'

'How d'you mean?'

'I just went mental... I was drinking all the time, I'd flirt with bouncers to get into clubs, then get chucked out of them a few hours later.'

'Why?' Cheryl says calmly.

'Cos... cos I'd get too drunk, or... or I started fights.'

I glance up. Cheryl has her arms folded, watching me.

'I started fights everywhere I went, and I ended up getting into trouble with the police.'

Still, Cheryl says nothing.

'I spent the night in a cell more than once... nothing anybody said could stop me, whenever my mum or Adam tried to talk to me I'd just storm out and do it all over again. Then--'

'Then what?' Cheryl whispers.

'I went on like that for months and months... then this one night...'

I trail off. Cheryl leans forwards. 'Kimba, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think--'

'I put two people in hospital and ended up in court Cheryl.'

Cheryl leans back again, looking a bit stunned. I know she's waiting for me to continue.

'I got thrown out of a club one night for starting a fight with this girl... but she followed me outside, she wouldn't get out of my face, she kept shouting about me trying it on with her boyfriend which was obviously nonsense... I told her to get lost or I'd make her regret it, but I think that made her angrier, cos she punched me.'

I stare determinedly at the table, not wanting to look at Cheryl.

'I lost it after that, I just laid into her. Then her boyfriend came out and pulled me off her, so I went for him as well. By the end of that night, I'd been officially arrested and they were both in hospital. I went to court, but neither of them pressed charges... I don't know why. But I just got community service.'

I start biting my thumb. 'I stopped messing around after that more or less... I got a shitty job in a supermarket and worked all the hours under the sun to stop myself wanting to go out and get drunk all the time.'

When Cheryl still doesn't speak, I finally look up. 'That's it.' I whisper.

I am surprised when she gives me a small smile. She stands up and walks around to me. 'Get up.'

'Huh?'

'Stand up Kim.'

When I do, Cheryl wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. 'Thank you for telling us that babe, I know it was hard.'

'I don't-err, what--'

'I'm not exactly squeaky clean meself, Kimba.' Cheryl giggles. 'It's not a big problem, honestly.

'But... but what if someone finds out, then it ends up in the papers? It's already happening, it'll make you look really bad, I don't want--'

'Is anyone you know likely to go to the papers and tell them you had a few run-ins with the coppers?' Cheryl asks.

'Well... I didn't really have any friends then... I cut them all off. And the only ones who knew about me going to court were my mum and Adam... and Jen, when I met her.'